Wednesday, December 30, 2009


जीवन में एक सितारा था
माना वह बेहद प्यारा था
वह डूब गया तो डूब गया
अंबर के आंगन को देखो
कितने इसके तारे टूटे
कितने इसके प्यारे छूटे
जो छूट गए फ़िर कहाँ मिले
पर बोलो टूटे तारों पर
कब अंबर शोक मनाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई
जीवन में वह था एक कुसुम
थे उस पर नित्य निछावर तुम
वह सूख गया तो सूख गया
मधुबन की छाती को देखो
सूखी कितनी इसकी कलियाँ
मुरझाईं कितनी वल्लरियाँ
जो मुरझाईं फ़िर कहाँ खिलीं
पर बोलो सूखे फूलों पर
कब मधुबन शोर मचाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई
जीवन में मधु का प्याला था
तुमने तन मन दे डाला था
वह टूट गया तो टूट गया
मदिरालय का आंगन देखो
कितने प्याले हिल जाते हैं
गिर मिट्टी में मिल जाते हैं
जो गिरते हैं कब उठते हैं
पर बोलो टूटे प्यालों पर
कब मदिरालय पछताता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई
मृदु मिट्टी के बने हुए हैं
मधु घट फूटा ही करते हैं
लघु जीवन ले कर आए हैं
प्याले टूटा ही करते हैं
फ़िर भी मदिरालय के अन्दर
मधु के घट हैं,मधु प्याले हैं
जो मादकता के मारे हैं
वे मधु लूटा ही करते हैं
वह कच्चा पीने वाला है
जिसकी ममता घट प्यालों पर
जो सच्चे मधु से जला हुआ
कब रोता है चिल्लाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई
हरिवंशराय बच्चन

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

If only life could always be as easy as we wish for it to be. hope for it to be. Why do emotions and feelings have to come in and complicate it all?

Saturday, October 31, 2009


miss how it was 3 years ago... wish things could go back on the same track again. words, though plenty come to mind, could never do justice to what am thinking or feeling. wish certain illusions could turn to be the reality... if only a reality revealed years on. funny. heh

Thursday, October 8, 2009


Mile sur mera tumharaa, Thoo sur bane hamaraa....
sur kee nadhiyaan har disha se behkee saagar mein milee.
Baadalon ka roop leiker bharse halke halke...
Mile sur mera tumharaa..
thoo... sur bane hamaara..
Mile sur mera tumhara...

Chaain taraj tahin nyay taraj
ek but baniye saayen tarajT
era sur mile mere sur de naal
milke bane ek nava surtaal

Mile sur mera tumharaa....tho sur bane hamaara..

Mohnja sur tohi desa pyara mile jadein geet ashaanjo madhur tarano
bane tadein
Sur ka dariya bahte saagar me mile badlaan da roop leike
barasan holle haule

Isaindhal namm iruvarin suramum namadhakum.. Dhisai veru aanalum
aazi ser aarugal Mugilai mazaiyai pozivadu pol isai ...Namm
isssaiiii.... Thik thakida thathikakidA....thaka thimi thaka junu

Nanna dhwanige ninna dhwani-ya, seridante namma dhwaniya..
Naa swaramu nee swaramu sangammamai, mana swaram ga avatarinchey

Ninde swaramum ningalude swaramum otthucheiyum Namudeya swaramai....

Tomaar shoor moder shoor srishti koroor koi ekshoor[2]...
Sriishti karoon woi katha

Toma mora swarer milan srishti kare chalbochatano

male sur jo taro maro, bane aapno sur niralo

majhya tumchya julta tara madhur suranchya barasti dhara

Sur ki nadiya har disha se behke saagar mein mile...
Baadlo ka roop leke barse halke halke..
Oh...Mile sur mera tumhara tho....sur bane hamara...

Mile Sur mera tumhara
tho sur bane hamara tho sur bane hamara
tho sur bane hamara

(someone just reminded me of this :-) )

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


WHY are wrong people doing all the right things for me? :-?
and why in the world can't right people even get me?! yeesh

Saturday, September 26, 2009


I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

1. what i had dreamt being served to someone else on a platter. and they don't even really care about it much or value it much. they have simply learnt to appreciate what they've got and maybe return some of it back. but WHY is it that when i have something similar, something i truly cherish and which feels like i have wanted it my whole life, why is it or how is it that it seems to be slipping from my fingers, away away away...

2. some friends tell me i am a pushover, others tell me i am way too gullible and believing...basically a naive not so little thing, since i believe most of what people say.

3. time is flying by and i know nothing...about anything. the biggest of mysteries is still to unravel.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


so hard...SO hard.
to simply forget.
to just move on.
to pretend its not happening.
to pretend you don't care.
to show as if you never did.
to laugh and smile.
to be supportive and nice.

life isn't fair i was told. but THIS unfair, i never thought.

Monday, August 24, 2009

for once, even strong feelings fail to motivate me to seems really hard to put them down in words today. probably because they are incoherent, confusing as hell and all jumbled up in my head? maybe? because am not even being able to sort through them, look at them in the usual matter of fact, no holds way? maybe again... this state of being is worse than being miserable. it

a) makes you feel sorry for yourself

b) leaves you stranded somewhere in the middle...its like you want to sneeze, but it just won't come!

c) a&b above make the situation damn irritating!

Monday, August 3, 2009


hmmm... where and how do i start this post? there is so much i could write, WOULD like to write..but the thing is, there are chances the person for whom this is intended, might get bored.Let's start from the beginning i guess!

Mansanjam comes and sits next to me and Sonali. "hey! whats up? you guys are from Delhi only or outstation kids? well, i am from chandigarh. what are your names?"
Then she turned around and started talking to the kids behind us. needless to say, i was kind of taken aback. because...
a) it was our first day in college and we didn't know anyone! and well... when u enter a class of about 120, the first reaction is a triple take...ala ekta kapoor soaps. then u just freeze and sit wherever u find place.
b) like i said, it WAS our first day and the seniors were most definitely lurking around, looking for JUST a chance to come and get started with us. naturally, when u are being hunted, you try and lower it a bit, not try and get as much attention as you can!
so, i turned to look at Sonali, expecting her to be as bewildered as i was...but she was a step ahead! she had her register opened and the next thing i know, she was asking our birthdays. and well... lets not get there now.
so that was my introduction to Mansanjam. our first meeting, though like she says, she doesn't remember it much. ah, yes, sad i know. but don't worry, i guess i will live. :P

after our first meeting, my interaction with M'jam was minimal. i mean, we didn't hang around with the same people. not that we still do most of the time! but you know what i mean right? but yeah, she always seemed busy and flitting from one set of people to another. like she says herself now, that first year she probably hung around with anyone and everyone, trying to fit in with him, her, them...and well, somehow, i don't know exactly why or how, i formed an opinion that she was snooty, headstrong and snobbish. bah...i know your eyebrows are going to go up and you are going to ask me "But laddu! i was never like that with you!" i have no answer...probably just the people you were with at that time and the constant thing about how trashy everything in delhi was and how great chandigarh was, how dumb the delhi people were... ugh. dunno!
but then...we went to that mall! that stupid trip in that stupid heat did wonders! and well...Mansanjam Kaur became my Mani :D
eventhough we were cribbing about things the whole day, i think it is one of my most memorable days out because thats when i started to get to know you!
then we started hanging around a bit in the college..
the funny thing about that first year was, we had a completely different bunch of people, different preferences...and different everything. but we still used have those talks, that hanging out bit in the canteen, the satya niketan area, CCD...and that tree near the main entrance. lol.
and then...i took up CA
grrr...those pathetic sleepy tiring afternoons! those dusty classrooms, those sadistic teachers, those lapel mics that never worked, and that set of weird kids... ravish and his exaggeratedly gay take of things, that maroon haired eco teacher whose hair color matched the color of the suit he wore everyday for class...munching on those icky things while sitting in the class, pretending to be interested while actually busy looking around for the next packet...

CA, MBA exams done with, almost feels like we've achieved something big. Days spent in the lawns, sprawled all over. Or at some nearby food joint, or at a coffee shop, or some other random place. But somehow, didn't get much to see you around this time. A little, off and on...but mostly after exams ended. Busy chick that you were...flying off to places, busy with this and that :P
But then we always used to manage some time out atleast! :)

To some three years is a very long time. For others, it flies by and they don't even realize when its all over...
These 3 years were like some of the best of my life. And you were a major reason for making them so. Those long talks, those telephonic gossip sessions, the sleepovers, the advisory sessions...all of them. Whenever i needed you, you were around. When i was feeling low, stuck in a dilemma, confused to were around to help me out. Even when i was not wanting to talk things over, you would insist that i talk and tell you, expressing your opinion like it was you who was going through the shit. When i felt like a stranger between everyone else, i thought of you as one who would be around and make it alright, cuz with you i would never be a stranger...
and i only hope i have been as good a friend to you as you have been to me... it means a lot when you tell me that i am one of the very few people from college whom you can open up with and talk about things with. There have been times where, unintentionally, i have made you feel like you are my last priority and that somehow everyone else mattered more and what not. But thats not true, and you know it. Funny, for 3 years, you and me we both felt the same way, but never told each other and it took one day of bowling towards the end of college to realize that! :)
I hate the fact that you're going away...whether to chandigarh or to hyderabad. But what i also know is its awesome for you and am so proud of the fact that you made it so far all on your own. You underestimate yourself and i hate it when you do. And i hope that no matter where you are or where i am, I'll always be there for you. :)

Love you MANI! :P

PS: sorry for the overdose of sentimental shit. but since it WAS your senti gift, i thought i just might write it all! ;-)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


So much that i wish for...
So much that i want...
But such few chances of it happening...
It almost brings me down...

Why is it that the impossible seems just so attractive? Why is it that you look for the impossible to ensure that your insecurities aren't ever brought to the fore, hoping that the sheer knowledge of its impossibility would keep you safe and immune...but then, that immunity is soon gone. And then you're left wondering as to WHAT exactly is it all about?!

Friday, June 12, 2009

to you, you and You.

this one is for all of you- mum, dad and mona. my support system. and one more person, though right now am very mad at you. and You.

thank you. for being around and living with my craziness. and well...for all that you've had to stand the last few days.


Saturday, May 30, 2009


Life...what is it all about?
A struggle called existence, or a fight for survival?
Are the two really that removed from each other?
I wonder...

Is it about feelings or facts,
Or something altogether different?
Is it about taking each day as it comes,
Or planning every single minute in advance?
Do we cherish this existence,
Or, do we curse every morning we see?
Why are some so eager to embrace it,
While others think of it as but an obligation?
How come it is so easy to make some happy,
Yet so difficult to get some to smile?
How come some smile so easily and always,
Yet that smile is but a farce put up for the world?
How come some get everything so easily,
While others struggle on without much success?
Is it about the little joys, the trifle sorrows
Or is it merely the bigger things that count?
Is it the journey undertaken which matters,
Or the destination you seek to reach?
Is it right to express yourself honestly,
Or better still to simply maintain the status quo?
I wonder...

And much of it does really matter anyway?
I wonder...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


Don't know what i feel. Don't know what i want. Don't know who i want.

Just that i do. Feel. Want.

What was a solution yesterday, has become the puzzle today.

What was nonexistent yesterday, has become a reality today.

What i wanted yesterday, no longer moves me today.

What i saw happening yesterday, seems but a mirage today.

What i want tomorrow, doesn't seem to motivate me today.

Am i a wuss? an escapist? Do i get carried away by inane random immaterial things?

Am i too foolish to let small things affect me now, affect what i am doing now?

Is it atrocious to let emotions and feelings influence you?

Am i foolish not to know how to get out of this? Or try hard enough?

Maybe. No not maybe, maybe. Actually.

Friday, March 27, 2009


You get up, go to college, sit for exams, screw yourself. Meet people, laugh with them. Whether you find their jokes funny or not. You sit through classes, sit through work. Then you are on your way home. On the way you decide to take a detour. Go to the bakery, look around. Grab a thing or two. Benetton sale. Some funny memories pop up in the head. Grin, looking at the people grab whatever they can lay their hands on, dig into your chocolate eclaire, walk towards home.
The wind...wonderful. Wonder why people complain about the poor thing all the time. In winters too cold, in summers too dry and hot. Maybe in the extreme weather. Right now, its calm, pleasant and refreshing. Slaps your face when you are in danger of getting lost. Ugh. Twilight. Worst and the most hated part of the day. Quicken your pace. Can't wait for the dark. Get home. Talk with mum, jump around, crack some patent lame ones, have some potato chips. Then go to the room and get under the sheets. To get some sleep. Switch lights off. Its nice and cosy. Just you and the darkness. Some find it eery and brooding. Not you. Darkness lets you be. Covers for you. No one can see whether you sleep or lie awake with your thoughts. It makes you think. About things without any preconceived ideas, prejudices, without letting you make the things less painful and more factual. Doesn't let your vision color. You lie and think. Think and know your own mind. Know your mind and deal with facts. Deal with facts and accept them. In the meantime you let the tears flow. Let the silent sobs out. More than a year it has been. A year of pretending to others and yourself that it didn't matter. That it would be the way you want it, sometime. But the reality strikes in darkness. And with it comes a relief. Finally putting an end to it all.

People say teenagers or people in their 20s are dramatic, extreme, idealistic. But i disagree. This is life. Life happens to everyone. Period.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

ah pegheadedness!

i refuse to initiate things. REFUSE. and yes, i don't care for how bloody long. period.