Saturday, January 29, 2011

pocketful of sunshine

The sun is on my side
Takes me for a ride
I smile up to the sky

I know I'll be alright

back from class. having dinner while typing this. note to self: hot vegetable soup can be pretty damn awesome!

coming back to the reason for this post. i am so brimming with the feel good feeling right now! optimistic. happy. unabashedly grinning. and yes, this is surprising, considering i was in one of those bleh moods this very afternoon. the reason? my three amazing guys...saurabh, rishabh and dev. ...just like the old days. so much to talk of, so many things to share. funny how it's so easy to simply TALK with some people. you don't have to try, you don't have to think. you are simply around them, and things take care of themselves. not just momentarily, but otherwise too. how naturally they ease up everything. make you feel good about yourself. how the simple fact that they're just there, somewhere around, always, makes you smile. huge jock like guy. the silly PJs, the lame cracks, the 'wacky' humor, the gossips, the shared ambitions, the easy confidences. a typical guy, yet not quite so. pretty simple in his approach to life and everything else. reserved with most, but a livewire with those he's close to. and man...what a goss! lol. i love his take on things. one of my favoritest people.

rishabh...the brainy idiot. and destiny's favored child. pretty typical in his outlook, and well, a bit of a hypocrite. but also one of the most generous and grounded people i've met. suffers from the 'foot in mouth' disease though. can say the weirdest of things at the worst of times. and yes, he's worse than me, if that's even possible. heh. but he is also capable of doing the nicest and sweetest things for you, on his own. things which make you realize how lucky you are to have someone like him around. if there's something he can do for you, he will. also, the guy who drilled the 'jack ya check' funda into my brain. how astonished he was by the fact that i don't believe they can work everywhere. his exact words: kritika, you're so innocent. and so naive. lol. dev! :) i lowve you! what can i say about you? i think everyone who knows me has had me go on about you constantly. dev did this, he did that. he is so irritating, he's so nice.. heh. one of the very few people to whom i can say just about anything and everything. i can be mean, say harsh things, just about anything, bang the phone on him, not see him for months together. but i know that the next time i pick up the phone and call him, and it's all gonna be ok. i don't have to even apologise, or try and make it right. because he understands. and how. i don't think anyone has seen me so broken, so down, and so many times. most think i'm incapable of it i guess. the one who's had to be on the other side so many times, to hear me break into tears, or rant, or curse. i don't think i've shared this much of myself with anyone else. and i guess that's exactly why you feel so strongly about things which affect me, and are always looking out for me. i don't think anyone else would understand me this way, around who i can be this way. and i guess that's exactly how i feel about you too. you're my favorite gossip girlfriend. my 3 am friend. my crying shoulder. my disaster-management consultant. lol. i love how things are so uncomplicated between us. and i hope this is how they remain always. :)

you guys can make me smile anytime, anywhere. a phone call, a few hours here and there... those college days won't ever be back again. we'l never sit on pavements, looking at cars pass us by, or lie in the winter sun making future plans, or have the time to talk with each other 5-6 times a day. we'l meet new people and temporarily forget about each other. but that's all ok. because we know that we can count on each other, take each other for granted, and will always be just a call away...

sighhh...what a senti post. this is what a weekend full of all three of you does to me!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

ah well...

i hate this lonely feeling. i hate this feeling of being alone in the crowd. i have soo many people around me, so many who care about me. who love me, who get bothered when i get bothered. but there's still this feeling of being a lone ranger. always the lone ranger...


KM: lol
i hate you
PJ: you do?
KM: soo much!
PJ: i miss ya at times
miss our long long talks
KM: i too
insane talks
PJ: yeah tht too
KM: no
i mean insane as in
they used to range
PJ: i know
i know
i am just messing
KM: from stupid to profound
everyone loves messing with me
WHY dear lord?!
PJ: heh
man....i hate ya
for not leeting me meet you
last year
i hate ya soo much for tht

KM: :)
i dont have to go into an explanation of why i think
PJ: there cant be a good explanation
so yeah
dont even
KM: hmmm
i dont know
it seemed like a practical thing at that point of time
PJ: ehh lifes no fun with all the practical things
KM: i know
PJ: i still have your gift
KM: and i have yours...
PJ: liar
KM: lol. WELL...yeah
PJ: i know. i still feel bad.
i still have your writing journal
KM: :)
PJ: its soo pretty
i am gonna meet ya give it to ya
one day
KM: one day...

funny, how things suddenly stop affecting you. or pinching you. and funny what all can help you achieve that. the same person, maybe? this is an excerpt of a recent conversation.

Happy Anniversary Parthojeet Sengupta :)

have a good life...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

just blowing off steam...

i just wanna disappear. go away. from everyone. everything. i don't want to be around people.

silence, complete and absolute; solitude, uninterrupted; introspection, completely objective; objectivity, now that's something i've kind of lost over the years; willpower to actually do what i have in mind, well..that needs complete detachment too...these are the things i really need.

 and that's not possible if i don't completely distance myself from anyone and everyone. soo many opinions, so many advices...and all so varied. somewhere along the line i've lost my own point of view. some are looking out for me, some trying to protect me, some trying to goad me, some trying to test me. some think i'm naive and gullible. others think i lack a backbone. some think i am too trusting. others think i doubt and analyse and second guess too much. you know what? thank you all, but i've had enough. i respect your opinions and concerns and everything, but i am not a child. i can look out for myself.

i need time out. time away. from everything and everyone. especially from certain people. i need to clear my head. and i really need to examine my relationship with some who i thought were the closest...funny, how everyone saw through the 'facade' when i couldn't, not in all these years. anyway, enough ranting  i guess.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

...and so it is

'...she took rhett's hand and drew him with her to a window. the sight that met their eyes was sobering. dozens of dark fingers of smoke reached up from every direction, making dirty stains on the tender rose color of the sky. scarlett's eyes filled with tears.

rhett put his arm around her shoulders. "we can build it all back, darling."

scarlett blinked away the tears. "no rhett, i don't want to. cat's not safe here in ballyhara, and i guess i'm not either. i won't sell up, this is o'hara land, and i won't let it go. but i don't want another Big House, or another town. my cousins can find some farmers to work the land. no matter how much shouting and burning, the Irish will always love the land. pa used to tell me it was like his mother to the Irishman.

"but i don't belong here, not anymore. maybe i never did really, or i wouldn't have been so ready to go off to dublin and house parties and hunts... i don't know where i belong, rhett. i don't even feel at home anymore when i go to Tara."

to scarlett's surprise, rhett laughed, and the laughter was rich with joy. "you belong with me, scarlett, haven't you figured that out? and the world is where we belong, all of it. we're not home-and-hearth people. we're the adventurers, the buccaneers, the blockade runners. without challenge we're only half alive. we can go anywhere, and as long as we're together, it will belong to us. but, my pet, we'll never belong to it. that's for other people, not for us." '

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


funny.. how 2 people can want the same thing, but the interpretation of the same be so different. how the same word can have different meanings, yet be equally definitive for the respective parties. how they can want the same word o define what they want, YET not use it for each other. how somehow, they can't give the other what (s)he wants...and how, that one aspect can completely change things.