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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

tired she is. of everything around her. would be so easy to simply pick a few things and throw them around, break them. she wants to just get away, run away...from it all. everything. everyone. everyone has a complaint

she's an easy punchbag. come to her, lash out at her. take your frustrations out on her. you know she won't react. you know she will understand. she always does. she doesn't say anything. things don't bother. they don't affect her. she can take it all. she will do this for you, that for you. ask her. she has all the solutions. she will know what to do. what not to do. this that, this that...

know what? she's sick of it all. SICK of it. she can't take it anymore. she feels too you know. it hurts her too. she cries too. she breaks down too. your words don't just bounce off her. they leave an impact. a very very deep impact.

she cries when you're not watching. she sits by herself in a dark room, with a journal in her hand, the only place where she can let go, with tears streaming down her face. she just doesn't know how else to express her anguish. she doesn't believe in making scenes. never has.
 it's ok to expect from her, to hope for things, but whom does SHE turn to for help when she needs it? can her journal talk back? 
 you feel you can depend on her when things don't make sense to you. but where does she go? why can't she depend on you to be there for her?

every fucking time...every fucking time she falls. she is hurt. she cries. she thinks about it. lets those tears flow. thinks. and somehow wipes them off and tries getting up. she doesn't believe in giving up. she doesn't stop believing.

she is used to this by now. has somehow convinced herself to stop expecting anything because it feels more like an obligation. but then again, there are times when she can't help it either.
all she wants, is for someone to understand her. to be there for her. to be with her when she needs that occasional support, occasional shoulder. someone to run to, to hold onto, to turn to...when things get too much. someone with whom she can let go of herself. someone who's hers.  someone who doesnt need her to explain things. someone who tells her its ok if things don't always go her way. someone who feels her. understands her. someone who's all hers to depend on.

is it too much to ask for? 

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