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Monday, October 31, 2011

... It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,

i AM the master of my fate:
i AM the captain of my scroll.


The one up above has His own was of making you aware of your insignificance in this world. One minute you are cribbing about how difficult everything around you is, when something happens that shakes you, and how. One minute you are sitting there, thinking that the biggest problem in this world right now is how to prepare for your exam tomorrow, and not think of anything that screws with your head. The fact that you are somehow managing to do that fills you with pride, makes you smug regarding how wonderfully capable you are of dealing with the biggest of problems.

The next second, you are bombarded with the news of sudden death of someone you practically grew up around, someone who was there when you were born, a part of that wonderful extended family that you grew up with, someone who was present at every important occasion since you were born. He was a part of that circle which has been a family since day one, for all practical purposes, people you have laughed with, laughed at, whose kids are your friends, whose wives are your mother's friends.. one of your dad's closest friends. You have grown up listening to the stories of how the five of these friends did this together, did that together, what vagabonds they were, how they had each other's back through EVERYTHING.
It shakes you, especially since just the other day he had been over at your place, laughing with your dad, having a good time. 

But even that doesn't have the same effect on you, as the sight and sound of your father. The man who has been your ideal always, who has been strong and positive through everything, your rock, the support of so many, not just his family... to see him affected. To see him grieve the loss of his friend. The one who, though older than him, always somehow brought out his protective side. To hear the catch in your dad's voice when he calls you from his friend's place, midday, to check on you, to see if you're doing ok... no words can express it. It twists your gut, changes your perception of the world, how you view it. THAT... can make you cry, even if the news of the death itself did not. Your heart goes out to him, everytime you think of how this very morning, before the news of the death, he was trying to cheer you up, making tea for you, how he got up early just to wake you up early... and how someone else's father will never be able to do any of this anymore. How Moushmi, Siddhart, Amrita, Supriya aunty will never be able to see their baba again, her husband again. How the 'Five' will never be the same again... Daddy, Raju uncle, Deepak uncle, Mukul Tauji, Sonu Uncle... the last one no more...

And all it took was a stupid drunk fuck who hit him, killed him and ran away. Fuck you, you hear me?! If there is any justice in this world, you won't one day of peace in your life from now on! Fuck you straight to hell! I hope you go through hell for every tear that is wept, everytime those poor kids realize their father is never coming back home, for everytime there is something for which the family needs Sonu Uncle.

May you find all the peace up there in heaven uncle, that ever eluded you here. And don't ever worry about the ones you left behind. They will always be taken care of.


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