SHEKH MA SHIERAKI ANNI

It's a strange strange feeling... when you suddenly start feeling not only your own emotions, but someone else's as well. When what they think, feel, want, like, don't like is felt as acutely as if it was you going through all those emotions. When every slight that comes their way, when every harsh word that is said to them and pains them, makes you cry out in pain as well. When you are anxious about them, when you can feel their unsettled thoughts, feel the restlessness even when you are not with them. When the shouts hidden behind their silences deafen you.

It's a strange feeling, to feel all this and more. To feel for 2 people. I thought i had experienced it before, been through this before. But i apparently haven't. Because if i had, it would not be surprising me the way it IS surprising me right now. It would not have been this difficult for me to understand as to what's going on.

I don't even know for sure whether all of this is a figment of my imagination, or whether it's actually felt this way.

All i know is, i feel that someone i would give my right hand for, is terribly hurt. Probably his pain is subsiding, but mine isn't, and won't, till i have in some way seen his subside.

I wish the process of catharsis was begin soon, i wish he would be able to heal soon. I wish whatever it is, is not strong enough to spoil an age old relationship. I hope that, with all the anger and the pent up emotions that are so easily misleading everyone, sense does prevail, and stops them from undoing everything based on fickle premises.

I wish the silent would speak and help the ones around them understand as to what pains them. I wish the ones who ARE talking, would pay some heed to the one they have injured. I wish the ones who are injured would turn back and notice whether the ones who they perceive as the reason for their pain, isn't bleeding himself.

SIGH. IF ONLY I HAD WISHED FOR WORLD PEACE. That would have been so much easier to understand.

I'M YOURS

Well you've done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing, we're just one big family
It's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure

There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Do you want to, come on, scootch over closer dear
And I will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'll be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
so please don't, please don't, please don't.
There's no need to complicate
'cause our time is short
This oh, this oh, this is our fate, I'm yours

LIFE, AS IT IS RIGHT NOW :)

Happy and content. Life has taken a 180 degree turn, and for the better, at least for the most part. I don't know how it all happened, all i know is, i am grateful to the forces that be.

The last few months have just reaffirmed by belief in the fact that so long as you are willing to fight, are stubborn, and refuse to give up on the ideals that YOU formed during the good times, you will sail through. Always.

There is just one thing that you need to do... hold onto hope, tight. not out of desperation, but as a belief that's beyond being challenged.

I am in a good place right now, have some great people around me, who love me (whether inspite of who i am or for who i am, i dare not say :S) and they make life wonderful. I can't thank god enough for them. Thank you, all of you, for being a part of my life.

HAUNTED...

by memories and faces,
images and places.
the pain and confusion,
the mirage and delusion.
everything is plain as light.
yet, the constant fight.
a dream, a song.
where do i now belong?
an image of me, enraptured
 was once upon a time captured,
 in the echelons of the heart.
yet, how did we still part?
a substitute, a mere device, was how.
all grievances leading to the row.
today a new dream, a vision exemplary.
yet, the treacherous heart insists to the contrary.
 is it a truth half revealed,
or is it just the past, forever sealed?
the constant cacophonous imagined noise.
the phantoms with their icy poise.
those empty black eyes awide,
what do they still try and hide.
a chain of thought, oh so jumbled;
manifested in an exterior so rumpled.
a look a thought, all for nought;
a simple tardy chain of thought.

[Disclaimer : This is something i wrote ages ago. Words came to me of their own, and for once i didn't really put much mind to the phrases.. And the reason you see it up here, now, is because i quite like it..]

TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY..

it's almost 4 in the morning, and sleep evades me still.
there's not much on my mind.
perhaps a little bit of regret... not for having missed the bus this time,
but for the innumerable times before this.
this time i wasn't ready, i know.
this time i didn't kid myself, i know.
but i still can't fathom as to what went wrong, these past few years.
how did i lose the plot, where did i slip, when did i go weak.
ah well, no matter now.
not anymore, not again.
the images are vivid once again,
the willingness returning,
determination finally setting in.

[THE TITLE COMES HERE]

One minute i was sitting there, reading the literature on Anti Competitive Agreements as per the Competition Act... and the next i am here. Its been a while. And i couldn't resist.
But i don't really have anything to say. At all.

Just that, i feel like a bird that is about to take flight. Tomorrow.

Funny, considering this bird is still going to feel equally shackled a week later on.
Her flight is short, the distance measured, the way it has been for all these years.
But... every mirage of captivity that she creates around her bi annually,
Leaves her feeling elated when that period of ostracism and deemed imprisonment ends.
And the beginning of that bubble is usually an extended dream of the days, months and years to come.
Visions of unrestricted flights, of innumerable sights, of little delights.

BLOW ME AWAY

They fall in line
One at a time
Ready to play
I can't see them anyway
No time to lose
We've got to move
Steady your hand
I am losing sight again
Fire your guns
Its time to run
Blow me away
I will stay unless I may
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven when we die
I have a shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all

There's nothing left
So save your breath
Lying and wait
Caught inside this tidal wave
You're covers blown
No where to go
Holding your fate
Knowing that I will walk alone
Fire your guns
Its time to run
Blow me away
I will stay unless I may
After the fall
We'll shake it off
Show me the way

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven when we die
I have a shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all
You wanted it back

Only the strongest will survive
Lead me to heaven when we die
I have a shadow on the wall
I'll be the one to save us all
Save us all

A VERY ANGRY POST

There's something on my mind that I can't put across in coherent words. It does not distract me while i am busy with other things. However, the moment my brain is free for a minute or two, it goes right back on the topic. I wish G had never told me about it. It has just made my prejudice stronger, and my anger deeper. Ofcourse i'm not delving into it much, and consciously making an effort to keep all stray thoughts at bay. But anger is soon transforming into obsessive hatred.

The bitch of it is it affects people who are SO important to me... one, so naive and trusting.. the other, well, my backbone in so many ways.

Tell you what? I won't say a thing and ruin anything for anyone for now. I don't give a flying fuck about what stories you cook up about who, and how you bitch about one person to the other... But you have managed to involve 2 PEOPLE who mean the world to me! And IF it anyway affects or impacts the people in question, i am NOT gonna leave anyone out of it, no matter if it's relationships that have been nurtured for years. You CANNOT hurt one or take advantage of his goodness, nor can you spread stories about the other... AND get away with it.

7

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you. Though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. You may house their bodies, but not their souls. You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you.”

THE SONG OF THE ROAD

Usually i love this time of the year. It somehow fills me with good cheer and this hope that good things are on their way.

But right now, it's annoying me. Why, you wonder? Well, because it's still making me feel the same. But unfortunately, reality, that bitch, has twisted its dagger deep in, the tip being coated with an overdose of realization, that's spreading through every bit of my body.

And you know what it's saying to me? It says,

                               "Welcome to the world of grown ups! I hope you have bid goodbye

to those days of childhood, where whims and fancies and hopes and wishes
all co existed? If not yet, then please do. Here, in our world, you are only allowed to do

and concentrate on what is required and expected of you. Once the choice is made, it can't be unmade.

No more will anyone laugh at your whims and wishes, or pass off your idealistic talks as harmless jabber, with that good natured shake of the head. No more will you be permitted to get distracted, without being considered directionless and wayward. The consequence and the price of detours is indeed heavy here. There's no going back without losing your way. Just keep walking straight, without any hope for respite.

The path might be monotonous, annoying, dreary, tiring and painful. It might periodically wear you down.

But you would be a fool to let yourself be bogged down by any of this. 

For when you do successfully walk down this road, the results shall be tremendous.

So think only of those."

I don't like this weather anymore. Where once it made me happy, now it suffocates me. Now it makes me feel as if my happiness is conditional to the successful walk down this road. Without completing it, i will always be stranded somewhere in the middle, always made to feel guilty for those little joys and stolen laughs...