Turning unfaithful..

To all of you who have been visiting my blog over all these years.. thank you. thank you for making me feel that there was something that i have been doing for more than a decade now (!!) that did have some meaning. Believe it or not, the thought that i have been read by so many of you, that there are people who though might not have been following me, have still looked up my blog and read what i wrote, gave me so much confidence, words can't express it.

However, i feel that after all these years, i am finally ready for something new. So i am shifting my blog to wordpress.com. It's still not my own domain yet, i know, but someday soon i promise. Till then, please DO keep reading my thoughts, becoming a part of my world, and show some love on the new blog! My new blog's name is Random Thoughts (big surprise, that lol!), and the URL is https://kritzmat.wordpress.com/ .

Please continue to visit the new page, and do share your thoughts, your opinions with me through your comments. Continue to share with me what resonates with you, what you like, or even what you don't.

So long, Blogspot! Thank you for having given me this beautiful outlet for my thoughts and feelings. You will always be my first :)

The Equations of Helplessness

I believe that no matter how empowered we might believe we are, a certain helplessness always exists about each one of us. And it is manifested more often in our love, or how we love, more than anything else.

It could be the helplessness of seeing the one you love move away from you.. or seeing him move closer and closer to your best friend, until that time that the friend is on the inside and you've been ousted from the life of the one who you thought was close to becoming your life. The helplessness of still feeling for him after years. Of knowing that he knows, as do the others. Of knowing you're a fool in your heart's wake.
Or, when you are that person who stole him away from your 'friend' and have hence lost the friend and many more who thought you wrong. . And now, slowly with time, have come to possess the same fears, insecurities and confusions that the person in question used to tell you he saw in 'the other', the ones that you both used to be amused at together, and the ones whose absence was a part of what attracted him to you. You, who denies to herself what he has come to mean, eventhough your self centred mind spins a web of denial around you.
Or, it could be the helplessness of being that friend who becomes the current sufferer's shoulder.. you, whose shoulder they turn to for comfort, whose shortest absence in the hour of need is felt minutely.. you, whose own personal equation with 'the former' has become a victim of choosing one over the other. You chose the one you did because they meant more to you than most others. You, who shared your world, your happiness, your people because you cared unconditionally. You were always so sure it was mutual (though at times certain instances did say otherwise). But now you helplessly stand and watch how you've turned into nothing more than that shoulder. For everything else, there's usually someone else, or something else.. something you're not even invited to be a part of.

MOBILE BLOGGING IT IS!

I have been missing expressing myself through the written word for a while now. But somehow, just don't get around to actually logging in. So I did what most of us have been doing for almost everything these days. . Looked up on Google Play for a Blogger app. And (surprise surprise!) there actually was one!

Just downloaded it, and keeping with my new resolve of going back to the written form of catharsis, here I am, typing away immediately from my phone. What joy! :)

LOST MY HAPPY PLACE..

Broken, disturbed, frustrated, tired. Reached that point of saturation. Even a mosquito seems to have a more ambitious, a more purposeful life than I do. I'm hurting so bad right now, I don't know what to do or who to turn to. Everyone is busy with their lives, has their own set of worries. How can I go to them for answers to questions that are half evolved in my own head? Things seem so desperate that I, one who has never believed in self help books, thought I might find an answer in this book I came across today, Finding A Purpose In Life. But sadly, that hasn't been of use either thus far.

Forget that level of satisfaction, I am not even close to deciphering the path to it. Everything, every aspect of life seems to be coming undone- professional, academic and personal. I don't know what's going on in any aspect of my life. There's so much confusion with respect to everything! I feel like a pendulum, oscillating between despair and optimism.

I just want to get away from everything, everyone, cut myself off.. Or cut off those various pieces of me that are attached to these various aspects.. I just want to close my ears to the cacophony, put on my rose tinted glasses and go into a world where everything is fine and sorted and where I can be happy.

THERE ARE NO GHOSTS BUT THOSE THAT YOUR VISION OFT CONJURES...

I am in the middle of my studies, but so strongly struck by something that i can't help but type here and let things flow...

I can't believe what an idiot i was for the longest time! I can't believe i was intimidated by something so stupid, by someone so... ordinary (for the lack of a better word) and regarding something so baseless and pointless!

And it has taken almost 3 and a half years for the realization to sink in, for me to realize all this. What i ran after was all in my head. Now, when i know myself better, when my head is clearer, when i actually have something which is worth fighting for, i now wonder what was it that i saw at that point that made me fight as long as i did. More than what it really was, it became all about how i WANTED it to be, wanted things to be. And the leverage i gave it, made it bigger than reality. An exaggerated though half baked premise. I don't know how or why i stayed for as long as i did.. but i guess if i hadn't, i would have never known really what it was that i really wanted, as compared to what i THOUGHT i did.

And none of it would have been possible without that one presence that made me see the difference between the two. And it's a funny feeling, to realize that all this while, what you confused for something so huge, was nothing but a result of perceived ideal scenarios and an overdose of drama and emotions.
My friends, those blessed souls, and my baby sister... they all saw and understood and tried everything they could to make me understand, see things as clearly as i do now. But to no avail.

But i guess, it was meant to be the way it turned out to be. It's like pieces of a puzzle falling into right slots after multiple attempts.

And it's things like these which make me appreciate what i now have, even more. If that phase of my life taught what i DIDN'T want from life, this one teaches me everyday what i do want. And every realization is a new revelation... :)

Potpourri...

This post has been a while coming. I don't know why I haven't written for so long.. Maybe its because I've had a lot on my plate, maybe nothing noteworthy has happened that needed to be chronicled.. Or maybe I've just forgotten the art of stringing words together.. Even now I don't have anything specific to write about, just this wish to once again see my thoughts appear in words.. To sort them as I type them..

What's my current state of mind? I can't really understand. Its a thought potpourri.. And my emotions, a forest on fire. There's so much in my head, yet its so difficult to put it together coherently.. But I guess it would be safe to say that I'm kind of discontented with my lot. Because where I am right now, is nowhere close to where I'd like to be.. I want to be free, soar high, not be bound my limits or restrictions.. I want to see the world, and what all it has to offer me. I don't want to be tied down to things or people, with obligations and duties, with the dos and don'ts... I want to travel, try different cuisines, write, meet new people, work with people, FOR people..

The world is limitless and boundless.. it has so much to offer, to teach, to feel, to accommodate. So how can confining ourselves to our safe spots be justified? Doesn't it fill any of you with this unquenchable thirst to see, to experience, to feel, to learn?

I haven't lived my purpose in life yet.. I feel like I haven't done anything that I was meant to do, this far. Every day when I get up, this feeling of dissatisfaction niggles. Its not the people, its not my surroundings.. Its the role I'm being expected to play, forced to play, to fit within the set parameters that makes me restless. I am living in direct conflict of my very nature.. So how can I be completely truly satisfied? Is it any wonder that I feel so lost and out of my depth? If I wish to play by the rules, do what everyone expects out of me, I could.. But that would mean I'm denying my very nature, that in trying to be dutiful towards others, I'm being unfaithful to myself.. What then?


But, worry not. It's not all as grim as i just made it sound.. Work is erratic as usual, and soon i will be going on leave.. as usual. Exams are less than 2 months away and i haven't started doing much. Although this time, i am more determined to make progress than i have been for the longest time, to actually to my brains to use.

More than anything else, i have been a lot more grounded and at peace with my vagabond inner thoughts than i have been for the longest time, thanks to the GreenBoy.. poor bloke has a hard time of it though! :)


Aaaaaaaaand... how can i forget... it seems like the whole world and its mother is now aware of my relationship status, both sets of parents included. I am not sure whether the idea terrifies me or excites me more... Thankfully, after those constant initial discussions, things have sort of sunk in. For now.The next 2-3 months though, are going to be tough on both of us. Hopefully we will both get out with our sanity intact!

EVERY POST DOESN'T ALWAYS NEED A TITLE

The quiet stand, taking every blow silently. Slowly distancing themselves from all they care about.. and the world watches, unaware.
It's like the weight of the world has been placed on those shoulders. Every trouble felt so keenly and acutely, it can't be put into words. And it's not only the burden of the sorrow felt by self, but also a realization and pain on seeing those who are close, go through troubled times.
Feigned indifference is a way, negating the pain is a way. Putting it all in a box, somewhere at the back of the mind, away from conscious self till the time it has to be brought out due to compulsion is a way.

It breaks me to see. I wish i could do something to make it better. I wish i could make all the pain disappear instead. If i could, i'd do anything to keep you from all this. But since i can't, i'll do the next best thing- give you your space, while ensuring am always around.

But always remember..
there is no second you, no one comes close. no one can care so much. probably it exasperates me at times but also amazes me at the same time. you surprise me. and you win my admiration every time.

Confusion Galore!

In a very unsettled frame of mind. There's this restlessness that just can't be really expressed in words. There's so much uncertainty on so many fronts. My mind is in a constant state of flux. Where are we headed? What's going to be the final outcome? What's going to be the reaction? How different is the future going to be from the present as I know it? The tiny doubts, those questions that niggle me, bother me.. What about them? What can assuage them, quieten them? Why do I have this constant need for being calmed down, assured? Why does it feel like the slightest touch of hand (forget about a push or shove!) can make my castle of cards topple over? No matter the faith, the sense of security..that tiny doubt still remains. Can my partner in crime be counted on to stand up if and when required? Can I do so? What if we are not? Is that going to spell the end for this?


I think my dad knows me better than I have ever suspected. He doesn't want to influence my decisions by himself. But he wants me to see things for myself and see them reach their logical end, one way or the other. He doesn't want it to be his decision or mumma's decision because he doesn't want me to look back and wonder how it could have been. So neither has he gone out of his way to accept it, nor has he forthrightly refused it. He has given us, (not just me) some time to look at it from that perspective, for things to settle down, and not make up our minds in a hurry.. To take into account more factors than just how vehemently we feel and believe right now, and live with this kind of a realization instead of looking at only as things stand now. After all, when its a matter of forever, its not just what you feel, but how other things around you play along with those feelings.. Whether they take away from it, or add to it, whether you accept them or reject them.

But keeping everything else aside, what do you do, how do you respond, when apparently the only thing that might matter with respect to you, is the one aversion you have always had.. When you heard of the same thing being said to someone else, it made you wonder how could THAT be the sole basis of judging someone? Its the one thing that my parents always told me would be a point of concern with anyone, for whatever reasons. Something I always scoffed at. But now I HAVE to accept it. Probably that was the reason I never tried hard enough..because I always wondered if people's behavior towards me would change FOR THE BETTER only because of that one thing? And that question made me rebel against it, do the exact opposite. But I will do it. Not because I will bow down to the pressure on all fronts. I will do it because the one person who is the reason for all this and more, did not judge me for this. It never took away from anything. It never mattered enough to influence where we are right now. And everyone else is concerned, they who don't know me, what better grounds do they have to get that first impression? Isn't that how we are, when we see or get to know someone for the first time? And when we do figure them out, that's when we DO get to know them better.

Another reason is because I wanna make a statement to everyone around me.. 1) I can do it if I wish to, and 2) it still doesn't change the person I was or am.

LIFE, AS IS

Have you ever had those times when you have managed to convince yourself that you want something? That you will do something. That all it requires, is a single push from you. That you care about something or someone. That you are, somewhere in there, the same person that you were 8 years back.

... And then have you seen those false premises break in front of your very own eyes? Feel them desert you inside? The words that you use, sound hollow to your own ears. The negatives start overpowering the positives of an idea even before it has formulated completely, germinated. No matter how much, for what, or for who you cared, you realize they are NOT your responsibility? The change that others see and you feel, is permanent. That even if you were wiser, maturer, more focused and determined at the age of 17 than you are right now, it still IS you.

And it's okay. You haven't necessarily let go of yourself, but simply broadened your horizons beyond the familiar. You have allowed yourself to think and dream of things which you didn't, at that point. You have probably allowed yourself to be honest with yourself.

Some of these realizations make you happy, ecstatic even. Like the knowledge of letting go of the rotten egg in favor of a freshly baked bread loaf from the oven?

Others aren't quite so pleasant. Foremost among those, is the acknowledgement of the reasons for the lack of energy with respect to what you are doing with your life. It isn't your end goal. And you know it. And you can't fool yourself into convincing yourself to do something you don't even care for in the first place. The motivations, the driving forces will always desert you. But then there ARE reasons why you stick on, the major ones being...
1.  you have done this for so long, you are scared you don't know anything else.
2.  you can feel the confidence of your loved ones in you dwindle. People who once believed you to be unbeatable and your self confidence unshakable, are now forced to wonder if you can even just merely make it through.
3.  this one thing is bringing your life to a standstill. Everything else has been put to a stop. Life is going about in circles of those same 6 months, changing into each other. And you feel helpless, caught in the vicious circle.
4.  all things said and done, this IS a BRILLIANT all access pass into the corridors and areas you seek to explore and finally make your own. So why quit now, at the last leg?

Then you suddenly read something which reminds you of the dream you saw when you were but 15.. the one that motivated you to give it your EVERYTHING when you were but a child. The dream that you lost somewhere between all this, and forgot about... But you saw it again today. You saw it other people's eyes too, and saw them work for it. And it made you see...

And so, it SHALL be done. Maybe kind of slowly, but definitely.

PS- You know GM, i admire you so much.. your conviction, your belief, your passion. The way you refuse to give up. How you conquer your fears, face your demons instead of running from them like a coward. For being so unorthodox and willing to accept change, take up risks. And that too, so early on. I know i pick on you like crazy, but that doesn't take away from the fact that i respect what you wish to do, where you wish to go, and what are you doing for it.

SAP SOB MUSH MASH!

you make me smile, when all i wanna do is scream.
you make me laugh, when i simply wish to cry.
you calm me down, when i let nothing else work.
you show me sense, when my brain refuses to listen.

people around me saw something that i didn't. not immediately. and for once, they were right.

so many spend their lives chasing a mirage, stubbornly forcing themselves to see something that isn't really there, something that probably never was. and probably, maybe, shaayad.. so would have i...
had i not met you. and realized how it should be, what it really is.

and now i don't think i could ever have it any other way... :)

THANK YOU!

It's been a while since i have posted anything much on this blog. Well, let me correct myself... a while since i WROTE something and posted here. I think it has got something to do with my emotional quotient, my writing. I write best when i feel strongly.. when emotions overpower me and it feels like i will burst if i don't give them a medium to flow through. Perhaps that's why it appears so effortless, as some people tell me. And if there isn't anything that's overwhelming me, or upsetting me, when that equilibrium is maintained, i usually don't pick up a pen for all it results in, is wasted paper or wasted space.

But let's not deviate any further. I shall refrain from elaborating on my skills any further.

The reason i am writing this post, is to thank my nameless reader(s). I know it sounds horribly snooty, the fact that i am writing this post at all, but there ARE some people spread around the globe, who look up my blog daily, googling a certain post to navigate to this page. from India, Russia, USA mainly.  Thanks to you amd your interest, my blog views have crossed 8800..

Thank you.  :)

Hope i am able to keep you engrossed for ages to come! ;)

CONVERSATION BETWEEN MISS K AND HER C

FIND MY WAY

 Speak your mind to me again
Force your words to deep within
You try to tell me how you live
Now I see you everyday
I push I pull I run away
I'm sick and tired of living this way
Pictures moving in again
I turn around and it fades away
Now I realize it's all I got
Coz I've been waiting time after time
For the reasons in my mind
Coz I've been looking deep inside
To find my way in my life
And the words I try to find
Never seem to fall in time
And now I wonder if I could draw the line
Unfold the truths I seek within
Loneliness and mannequins
Rushing through the silver screen
Crash and burn I'm down and broken
To find my reason, find my way

LIFE, AS IT IS RIGHT NOW :)

Happy and content. Life has taken a 180 degree turn, and for the better, at least for the most part. I don't know how it all happened, all i know is, i am grateful to the forces that be.

The last few months have just reaffirmed by belief in the fact that so long as you are willing to fight, are stubborn, and refuse to give up on the ideals that YOU formed during the good times, you will sail through. Always.

There is just one thing that you need to do... hold onto hope, tight. not out of desperation, but as a belief that's beyond being challenged.

I am in a good place right now, have some great people around me, who love me (whether inspite of who i am or for who i am, i dare not say :S) and they make life wonderful. I can't thank god enough for them. Thank you, all of you, for being a part of my life.

THE SONG OF THE ROAD

Usually i love this time of the year. It somehow fills me with good cheer and this hope that good things are on their way.

But right now, it's annoying me. Why, you wonder? Well, because it's still making me feel the same. But unfortunately, reality, that bitch, has twisted its dagger deep in, the tip being coated with an overdose of realization, that's spreading through every bit of my body.

And you know what it's saying to me? It says,

                               "Welcome to the world of grown ups! I hope you have bid goodbye

to those days of childhood, where whims and fancies and hopes and wishes
all co existed? If not yet, then please do. Here, in our world, you are only allowed to do

and concentrate on what is required and expected of you. Once the choice is made, it can't be unmade.

No more will anyone laugh at your whims and wishes, or pass off your idealistic talks as harmless jabber, with that good natured shake of the head. No more will you be permitted to get distracted, without being considered directionless and wayward. The consequence and the price of detours is indeed heavy here. There's no going back without losing your way. Just keep walking straight, without any hope for respite.

The path might be monotonous, annoying, dreary, tiring and painful. It might periodically wear you down.

But you would be a fool to let yourself be bogged down by any of this. 

For when you do successfully walk down this road, the results shall be tremendous.

So think only of those."

I don't like this weather anymore. Where once it made me happy, now it suffocates me. Now it makes me feel as if my happiness is conditional to the successful walk down this road. Without completing it, i will always be stranded somewhere in the middle, always made to feel guilty for those little joys and stolen laughs...

MY LIFE, A (FAIRY ??) TALE

Sometimes it seems like life is an ongoing novel. One that never seems to end. At times, it's a  pacey page turner. At others, it's a dreary old song. Unfortunately, unlike a paperback (or a hardbound book for that matter), you can't skip pages. You have to sit through the interesting and not so interesting bits. And have the patience to go through it, page by page. Patience.. Oh God, the patience!

It's a story, a narrative, a history, being written or narrated every second of the day. It's a play, being performed day after day, everyday. But.... without a script, without a cue card, without a director, without a backspace/delete key.

Some might argue there is The Almighty, directing us all. Others might say there IS no God. Whether He exists or not, it's a no brainer. We do. We breathe, we eat, we sleep, we walk, we run, we laugh, we cry, we love, we give, we take, we hurt..............

And then, the page turns, the day ends... and the plot changes once again.

But have any of you ever wondered how sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, our own lives take a 360 degree turn. That the script, though it remains the same, the characters suddenly change. It's the same story, the same theme, the same script, the same lines.... But the characters reverse, their dialogues get exchanged, what they are required to emote, gets exchanged.

करत करत अभ्यास के, जड़मति होत सुजान
रसरी आवत जात ते, सिल पर परत निसान

 translation:

with honest efforts, persistence and hard work, the biggest of fools and the most simple headed of persons can become intelligent,

just as by repeatedly passing to and fro over a stone, even a rope leaves an indelible mark on the stone.

NOT AT ALL A CHEESY POST ;)

Dear B

WHY, and HOW, are you so sensible and right, always? How is it that you have a solution to everything under the sun, and function under crisis as if the damned thing was planned to the last milestone? I am not USED to having such people around me, you see, the ones who have their head screwed on right and who are as balanced as you are! You are so much more concerned about my targets and my goals than i am, which is amazing and nice, but just a bit of a black spot on my otherwise spotless conscience, you see. Kindly share as to what you eat and drink, to keep it that way.

You get along with everyone, connect with all my friends at an individual, personal level and find something to talk about with everyone! And my sister, my own flesh and blood, prefers you over me! And not just her, HER FRIENDS as well! How weird is that? The Secret, please?

And while we are at it, could you also explain as to how you manage to be the most awesomely romantic guy on this planet without being sickly mushy? Your surprises, how i love them. How can you be the corporate slave that you are, and still manage them? You take the bar higher everytime i try to compete. Again, NOT good for my ego! :|

Oh, and how can i not mention your patience! I have done anything and everything i could think of under this sun, to test it and annoy you. But alas, i never do succeed. You are well aware of how i lack on that particular front, and HOW short tempered and impatient i am, right? So would you mind sharing a tip or two?

And, most importantly, would you kindly explain to me as to why does it seem like you have always been a part of my life and everything around me, when we started dating not 2 months back, and i was virtually unaware of your existence till 6 months before that?

Looking forward to a detailed reply,

Yours
G

YOU DEVIL, YOU!

oh no oh no oh no... the devil is creeping in once again! that monster with a trident and red horns? yes, he is upto some mischief!
he's making me feel restless once again.. giving me this itch to simply get up and get out and do something drastic, prodding me with that infernal three edged needle.. something fun, something exciting, something excruciatingly exhilarating, something, drastic, something dramatic, something adventurous, something different from the mundane and ordinary... something which is a mix of all of these and bound to play havoc with my mind, that stupid part of me which i am trying so hard to tame!
i am trying to convince him, telling him, "listen, it's because of you i've flunked once again, and i can't afford to serve you this time!" but apparently, i am not being too convincing!
he simply sits there, grinning that mischievous 'do-what-you-will-you-know-it's-me-who'll-win' grin.
he has even manipulated the weather god! it's so bright and sunny, warm and brilliant!

DEAR LORD! SAVE THY CHILD!

WHAT'S UP, K ?!

The dawn is breaking

A light shining through

You're barely waking

And I'm tangled up in you

Yeah.. 

there are about a hundred reasons for me to be writing a blogpost... but but BUT... i FINALLY have a new journal, which obviously gets priority! i had, i think for MONTHS now, been going on and on about how i needed one. i think i pretty much chewed people's ears off, going on about it. hahaha! a funny thing though- i hadn't written anything in it till last night. ah well.. that is taken care of.

Anyway, a quick update on what keeps me busy these days-

• my parents' 25th Anniversary preparations which include a lot of planning on my behalf, trying to devise every possible way of making a fool of myself in front of everyone, ESPECIALLY the ones i invite. -headdesk-
• this stupid annoying client, which seems never ending, the work being so scattered, manually maintained records, absent supervisors, absent entry passes, absent escorts, absent cars and wottnottt!
• now, if i am talking of work, how can i NOT mention my delightful coworker. she's a right ray of sunshine, that one! i can't stop talking about her! ask A, D and E! -heh heh heh-
• this never ending cough. it's my winter mistress. doesn't let go of me through the season. it does go a little dormant once in a while, but never EVER leaves me be!
• this, though occupies my mind every waking (and sleeping!) moment, it's something i like to talk about the least. the word in question starts with 'R' and ends with a 'T'. the intelligent ones won't take too long to figure, am guessing!
• and ofcourse, some random thoughts which keep occupying my mind off and on, which make me wanna go back under the blanket and never come out. lol

so yeah, my little list, a sort of answer to the title question!

PS- i might have got my journal, but we are STILL going journal shopping! now that i have started, mine won't last too long anyway... ;)

...AND IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN! :)

a year that started on a horrible note... the first of january.. the date is etched in my memory forever. felt as if the things ending on a horrible note that would govern the rest of the year..
and maybe it did, but not everything... :)

the year in which i failed, and failed again, when i disappointed myself, disappointed so many others..
the year in which i hit the bottom of that U again, and painfully crawled my way out of, all the time feeling how it would be infinitely easier to simply rot there..
the year where i lost all belief- in myself, in Him, in everything. when the words 'motivation', 'willpower', 'trust'  and 'strength' went out of my vocabulary..
the year in which people who were closest to me hurt me, changed me and transformed me forever, a period during which i believed we could never be the same again.

...the year in which i fought my demons, by myself, time and again..
the year i learnt how to forgive, how to let slights pass, how not to let one off things affect my relationships.
the year in which i realized how much emotionally stronger and self dependent i was than most..
the year when i came across so many new and wonderful people, found how unlike yet alike we were..
the year my trust and faith in Him were shaken, then reaffirmed..
the year when, in spite of mental exhaustion, burnout, lack of motivation, i didn't give up..
the year i met someone wonderful, and realized it's okay to trust and depend on someone occasionally.

A year in which i both lost and found myself..

i can't believe it's already coming to an end. so much has happened in these 12 months, yet it feels like just a few days.
it's been good and bad... wonderful and not quite. met some people, lost some people. certain new equations were built, and some old ones lost their sheen. but hopefully the new ones will be able to evolve and stand the test of time and uncertainty.. and old ones won't be lost forever. hopefully soon enough, it will be possible to put the complications and anger aside, and start over on a clean slate.

as for the new year that swiftly approaches, the feelings are quite nicely captured in these lines by Christina Rossetti.. 

New Year coming on apace
What have you to give me?
Bring you scathe, or bring you grace,
Face me with an honest face;
You shall not deceive me:
Be it good or ill, be it what you will,
It needs shall help me on my road,
My rugged way to heaven, please God.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, WORLD! hope it brings you good cheer, good luck and everything that you hope for and work towards.