WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I am disgusted, to the core. of all the articles, editorials, news reports and whatever else that i've been seeing all around. it seems people have suddenly woken up to the knowledge of upcoming Commonwealth Games. everyone suddenly seems to be of the opinion that we shouldn't be hosting the Games in the first place. what bull!

where were these intellectual geniuses when Delhi was putting in the bid ages ago? when we won the bid the impact of the expenditure on our 'poor developing economy', 'dwindeling resources', 'malnourished kids' was not the foremost thought on their minds! i can bet quite a few of them gave interviews, wrote articles and fought over tv space, gushing about what a proud moment it was for India.

the country won the bid quite a few years ago. but it's just now that they have woken up to the impact and the uselessness of it all. delhi has been in a pitiable state for the longest time now. every corner you go to, every street you drive through, some construction work is going on. roads are dug up, every second route diverted, trafffic in a chaos, metro schedules and functioning abysmal, pathetic powercuts, water shortage, what not. to top it, not only does our CM, lady dikshit turn down the offer of companies to lower the tariffs, the govt even levies additional taxes for the CWG. all these, no matter how painful and annoying, had been defended by most average delhiites for a long time. so much so, my cynicism was almost gone. but now, after years, seems most of the people in power or with the power are losing this optimism, doing their best to ensure that others follow suit.
'is it all worth the expenditure?', 'can we afford all this?', 'shouldn't the funds by delegated somewhere more useful instead?', 'people should boycott the Games if they know what's good for them' -some of the oft repeated sentiments these days. common people being tired of the difficulties they face, complaining about them is understandable. people worried about losing face due to the lax attitude of authorities, and moaning about the pathetic speed of work is justified. cursing in the crazy traffic jams and chaos is ok. taxpayers coming out in arms over misuse of their money is TOTALLY ok.
BUT... a former cabinet minister of the presently ruling government declaring publicly that he hopes the Games fail is NOT ok! people forgetting these Games all these years, overlooking the lax preparations, ignoring the blatant misuse and embezzlement of funds, staying quite all this while is loathesome. newspapers and TV channels doing exclusives on new stories everyday to further trash these Games at this last minute is downright careless and questionable. the governments (both central and state) forgetting about it all this while, uncontrolled epidemics, the doubts arising in the minds of the international community are abhorable!
as if the world doubting our ability to host CWG wasn't enough, now even we are looking down upon ourselves, booing what we've been working for all these years.

there was plenty of time to speak your mind. but none of you did. not till this minute. probably would not have made shrewd business sense, huh? but for once put your popcorn patriotism, your pseudo concerns for the damned non issues under scanner. if you can't be bothered to go buy a ticket, don't. just stop maligning the whole thing at this last hour over concerns which are general and in no way related merely to these games.

I am with the girls. He is with the guys. Both enjoying a drink. The setting is the occasional bonding session with the various Mathur generations gathered at one spot. He's with some of my cousins and cousins-in-law. Having an animated discussion on politics, sports, economy, markets, work, movies, books. I am with with my cousins and cousins-in-law too. Talking about our work, families, good natured gossip, joking about our mothers, trading old secrets, listening to their discussion on kids. I happen to glance his way, just as he looks towards me. We share a look...he lightheartedly rolls his eyes at my cousins. I give a mock frown. He winks, i smile. We look away. About 2 minutes later i feel a hand on my waiste.."Can i borrow her for a minute?" We decide to get away for a while. Walk around in the other direction, arms around each other.

Hmmmmmm...

A cosy scene indeed. Just gotta find the guy. Heh.

THE KEEPER OF NIGHT

I stare at the moon, awestruck, mesmerized.
So much it has witnessed through its life.
Centuries of lores, tales untold,
So many secrets under its fold.
The reasons for the slights, the causes to their pains,
A wish to foresee the future, how to make stupendous gains.
The trechery of a friend, The unfaithfulness of a lover.
Yet it shines every night, bright as ever.
A confidante to the lonely, a silent observer.
A keeper of secrets, the lone faithful preserver.
Never too judgemental, never too harsh.
Arms wide open to every traveler across the marsh.
So much to give, so less asked for in return.
Yet, the oft repeated query,
"why does the moon bear so many scars?"

AN ALMOST MADE UP POEM

I see you drinking at a fountain with tiny blue hands, no, your hands are not tiny they are small, and the fountain is in France where you wrote me that last letter and I answered and never heard from you again. you used to write insane poems about ANGELS AND GOD, all in upper case, and you knew famous artists and most of them were your lovers, and I wrote back, it’ all right, go ahead, enter their lives, I’ not jealous because we’ never met. we got close once in New Orleans, one half block, but never met, never touched. so you went with the famous and wrote about the famous, and, of course, what you found out is that the famous are worried about their fame –– not the beautiful young girl in bed with them, who gives them that, and then awakens in the morning to write upper case poems about ANGELS AND GOD. we know God is dead, they’ told us, but listening to you I wasn’ sure. maybe it was the upper case. you were one of the best female poets and I told the publishers, editors, “ her, print her, she’ mad but she’ magic. there’ no lie in her fire.” I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of. I would have loved you more if I had sat in a small room rolling a cigarette and listened to you piss in the bathroom, but that didn’ happen. your letters got sadder. your lovers betrayed you. kid, I wrote back, all lovers betray. it didn’ help. you said you had a crying bench and it was by a bridge and the bridge was over a river and you sat on the crying bench every night and wept for the lovers who had hurt and forgotten you. I wrote back but never heard again. a friend wrote me of your suicide 3 or 4 months after it happened. if I had met you I would probably have been unfair to you or you to me. it was best like this. -Charles Bukowski

AS THE CHAPTER COMES TO AN END...

Ugh. Feels like there's a brick lying inside me...like there's something being suppressed, waiting to explode. It's pinching. I wanna crawl in that direction...simply put it all right. Assure and be assured. Be told that everything is ok. Nothing has changed, nor is it going to change. But i won't...simply because i know this cycle would go on. I would never be able to get out of it. And i want so much more than what is on offer. How can i put aside what i want and feel, and pretend to be satisfied with a fraction of it because only that is on offer? If i refuse even that, the pain my refusal causes takes everything away completely...

There's a sort of relief too...at finally putting all of it to an end. But this sinking feeling, this sense of loss just won't go. Why couldn't it all be simple to understand, easy to sort out? i wish i could be like those who can look at everything in a detached sort of way..no pain, no complications.

There's this crazy need, this impulse, this wish to be with someone...someone who would help put all this at rest.

Human emotions...and human love for everything complex. Or more like...human love for making everything complex. heh

JO BEET GAYI SO BAAT GAYI

जीवन में एक सितारा था
माना वह बेहद प्यारा था
वह डूब गया तो डूब गया
अंबर के आंगन को देखो
कितने इसके तारे टूटे
कितने इसके प्यारे छूटे
जो छूट गए फ़िर कहाँ मिले
पर बोलो टूटे तारों पर
कब अंबर शोक मनाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई

जीवन में वह था एक कुसुम
थे उस पर नित्य निछावर तुम
वह सूख गया तो सूख गया
मधुबन की छाती को देखो
सूखी कितनी इसकी कलियाँ
मुरझाईं कितनी वल्लरियाँ
जो मुरझाईं फ़िर कहाँ खिलीं
पर बोलो सूखे फूलों पर
कब मधुबन शोर मचाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई

जीवन में मधु का प्याला था
तुमने तन मन दे डाला था
वह टूट गया तो टूट गया
मदिरालय का आंगन देखो
कितने प्याले हिल जाते हैं
गिर मिट्टी में मिल जाते हैं
जो गिरते हैं कब उठते हैं
पर बोलो टूटे प्यालों पर
कब मदिरालय पछताता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई

मृदु मिट्टी के बने हुए हैं
मधु घट फूटा ही करते हैं
लघु जीवन ले कर आए हैं
प्याले टूटा ही करते हैं
फ़िर भी मदिरालय के अन्दर
मधु के घट हैं,मधु प्याले हैं
जो मादकता के मारे हैं
वे मधु लूटा ही करते हैं
वह कच्चा पीने वाला है
जिसकी ममता घट प्यालों पर
जो सच्चे मधु से जला हुआ
कब रोता है चिल्लाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई

— हरिवंशराय बच्चन

If only life could always be as easy as we wish for it to be. hope for it to be. Why do emotions and feelings have to come in and complicate it all?

VICIOUS CIRCLE THIS ?

miss how it was 3 years ago... wish things could go back on the same track again. words, though plenty come to mind, could never do justice to what am thinking or feeling. wish certain illusions could turn to be the reality... if only a reality revealed years on. funny. heh

MILE SUR MERA TUMHARA

Mile sur mera tumharaa, Thoo sur bane hamaraa....
sur kee nadhiyaan har disha se behkee saagar mein milee.
Baadalon ka roop leiker bharse halke halke...
Mile sur mera tumharaa..
thoo... sur bane hamaara..
Mile sur mera tumhara...

Chaain taraj tahin nyay taraj
ek but baniye saayen tarajT
era sur mile mere sur de naal
milke bane ek nava surtaal

Mile sur mera tumharaa....tho sur bane hamaara..

Mohnja sur tohi desa pyara mile jadein geet ashaanjo madhur tarano
bane tadein
Sur ka dariya bahte saagar me mile badlaan da roop leike
barasan holle haule

Isaindhal namm iruvarin suramum namadhakum.. Dhisai veru aanalum
aazi ser aarugal Mugilai mazaiyai pozivadu pol isai ...Namm
isssaiiii.... Thik thakida thathikakidA....thaka thimi thaka junu

Nanna dhwanige ninna dhwani-ya, seridante namma dhwaniya..
Naa swaramu nee swaramu sangammamai, mana swaram ga avatarinchey

Ninde swaramum ningalude swaramum otthucheiyum Namudeya swaramai....

Tomaar shoor moder shoor srishti koroor koi ekshoor[2]...
Sriishti karoon woi katha

Toma mora swarer milan srishti kare chalbochatano

male sur jo taro maro, bane aapno sur niralo

majhya tumchya julta tara madhur suranchya barasti dhara

Sur ki nadiya har disha se behke saagar mein mile...
Baadlo ka roop leke barse halke halke..
Oh...Mile sur mera tumhara tho....sur bane hamara...

Mile Sur mera tumhara
tho sur bane hamara tho sur bane hamara
tho sur bane hamara


(someone just reminded me of this :-) )

A LOUD ROARING EXPLETIVE

WHY are wrong people doing all the right things for me? :-?
and why in the world can't right people even get me?! yeesh