Friday, September 26, 2008


"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death! What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first; get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last 9 months floating... then you finish of as an orgasm!!!Amen"

"I don't want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. When you're hopeless you don't care. And when you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive." "So, hopelessness is the key?" "It's my only hope."


Sunday, September 21, 2008


"But Delhi will bounce back. You see it will. Nothing can dampen the spirit of this city," was the refrain on most news channels a day after the blasts. Just like it was after the Gujarat blasts earlier or the Hyderabad blasts or the Bangalore ones or the Diwali blasts in Delhi last year or in Varanasi before that, or...

"This is our spirit, our resilience. We are...", is undoubtedly the tune which everyone sings post terrorist attacks-- the academecia, the intellectuals, page 3 'celebrities', media persons and god knows who else.

Yes, we will be back to acting normal within a few hours. NO doubt about that. But is it because we have that 'undying spirit'? or is it simply because out of compulsion, out of sheer lack of any other alternative option? After all, what happened exactly a week and a day ago isn't anything out of the ordinary, is it? Been here, heard that. Seen that much of blood, heard that quote. We are not the United States now, are we, that the whole world will be made to alter its course because someone dared take a shot at us? Nothing can be as big a tragedy as that one now. Why should we sweat about it? Will give you a look into an ordinary house to prove the point.

Bombs go off between 6.15 and 6.45 all over the city. Get to hear about them around 7. Why? Because one of the blasts happened outside a family member's office building. The other, at the place where they used to stay till not so long ago. They sit infront of the TV, listen to the goddamned news for about 45 minutes, attend to some phone calls from anxious relatives and friends. About an hour later, they are on their way for a dinner party.

They sit around. A bunch of 'wise' middle aged men savouring a drink while laughing and joking about the 'incident'.

"May such things keep happening so that our relatives keep remembering us", one of them says. Indeed. Then-- back to playing cards and mundane games. Damn, the tambola board is missing. Kind of dampens the mood of the party.

Next day, life is back to normal again. Take the metro to CP for classes from 6 to 8. Come back, eat, watch some news. Soon the anchor starts on how the blasts and the ongoing US credit crisis have dampened the markets. Curse a bit. Watch some more. The anchor is now talking about those injured in the markets. Yawn. Time to go hit the sack.

And this, apparently is how Delhi has 'bounced back'.

As My Hair Fall...

Its getting harder. Day by day. Everyday. I had thought that over a period of time i would adjust to it, thar things would be ok. But i was so off the mark.

For the uninitiated, i am talking about sharing my room with my cousin who will be staying with us till she gets done with her 12th, which is thankfully just a few more months away. She doesn't have a separate room because her father, that is my uncle, happens to think that she would then be completely isolated and lonely. Plus he doesn't want her to be an inconvenience. Gee how nice.

Soon as i start thinking that now i am ok with having her around, that i have adjusted to her and all, some small thing happens that sends me fuming again. It could be something as small as her crawling across my bed to get to the other side of the room or going to the loo to talk with her boyfriend, sitting their for hours or being overtly inquisitive and curious about anything and everything that i've got to say to Aakriti or using our things as if she has every right. Argh! these are just a few examples (which might not be very convincing : ).

I look forward to Fridays because thats when she goes to her own house (for the weekends) and dread Monday afternoons as thats when she comes back (to haunt me).

Everyone else has had their minor adjustments to make and more or less HAS become comfortable enough about becoming 5 from 4. More or less they all simply happen to go about things like nothing is different. But then again, they are not the ones sharing their room with her. Technically though, i am wrong since even Aakriti shares the room. But then again, she NEVER has a problem with adjusting to anyone!

I know that its petty and kiddish (definitely NOT 20ish!) to crib and blog about something so meaningless and mundane, and that i should be nice and understanding and all since she is living away from her family. But then, i don't feel that guilty because she makes up for all that with her own brand of bitchiness and indifferent attitude towards everyone (including my parents which i HATE). Even the occasional bouts of empathy are soon put to rest thanks to this. So yeah, no worries about my conscience in the least.

PS: i know this post isn't exactly Pulitzer material but i still don't know the art of converting pettiness into intellectual banter. :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


[ok, this post has become kind of old now. Wrote it the day i got my result, 12th August to be precise]

Got my result today. And well,it wasnt' great. Infact wasn't decent at all! Who feels good on getting a lousy ORDINARY result when their closest friends are getting SO much more than them?! That you actually are the lowest scorer of the lot (uh, among friends, NOT the university OR the class!). Definitely not a very good feeling, i can vouch.

But i think the worst part is getting your result in a group of people. Specially a group where everyone seems to have scored atleast a good 5-7% more than you. Makes you feel like the dunce of the century i tell you. And if that wasn't enough, they won't even let you mourn (for your dead result) in peace. They just won't leave you alone! Right from feeding you forks full of pok chok and chocolate icecream with their own tender hands, to giving you a ride back home to the other side of the city, to actually accompanying you half the way, to giving you a lecture on how good, infact GREAT it is to be a 'mediocre' student in order to really live life, i saw it all today. Whether it was Rishabh's trying to nudge me into a smile every second by passing me a secret smile, or Saurabh looking at me with that all knowing smile while i was being subjected to all this, or whether it was Nandini hugging me repeatedly trying to comfort me, or Ruhi throwing an off and on "come on Krit, its ok. Don't be sad" at me, or Mansanjam making me feel like a loser for moping-- it all happened today. She was apparently of the opinion that if you get an ordinary result, you REALLY know how to live it up! Never mind the fact that she herself got around 5% more than me.

Hey, i am NOT complaining. After all, who doesn't like being pampered like this throughout, and that too on someone else's special day? (Did i mention it was a celebratory lunch for Ruhi exiting her teens too?) i loved the consideration they showed me. Honestly. To see so much concern for yourself feels nice.

But then, this made me feel like a bigger fool. It made me the fact that i scored less than any of them even more apparent. And i will have to be honest here, made me think that they were probably glad it wasn't them in my place. I know i sound petty, but hey, my blog, my venting spot. :) It just made me feel like a special case. Which was the last thing i wanted to, at that particular moment. It would have been so much better if they had simply said, "Come on, who cares. You still averaging above a first div, right? so forget it, concentrate on the final year, and lets get on with it." But their constant indulgence made me feel the fact that i was the lowest scorer, even more. (Not to mention the fact that this constant over indulgence in anything and everything, and i don't know, this ever expanding overprotective layer makes me want to scream. Or laugh out loud, like when Rishabh actually thought i was depressed enough to try something crazy or life threatening!)

I guess thats what happens when you in a college where every student has his future planned out to the last full stop and knows exactly how to go about it. I wonder when will i be able to get into that one track frame of mind. Can't wait enough i assure you. And am sure my father can't either, though to his credit he never pressurizes me. Would like to see me focussed i guess. And well, i do hope this pathetic excuse of a result drives me enough to actually slog my ass till November and clear my exams. Ah, if wishes were horses now...

Monday, September 15, 2008


I have been reading Robin Sharma's 'Who Will Cry When You Die?' lately. Had bought it for a friend's birthday. Since he already had it, i decided to keep it. Apart from 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran, which i don't exactly thinks falls in this category, this is probably the first self help book i have read. Had heard a lot about them-- how enlightening and life changing they are, how they inspire towards better way of life, how they help you get in touch with the 'real you', etc.

And frankly, this read (or at least the part i HAVE read, for i confess i haven't read the entire thing), is enlightening! it has enlightened me as to exactly how pompous can one sound while still managing to earn brownie points with the public.

The author apparently endeavours to share and deliver wisdom and inspiration and maybe tries to help you attain that 'moment of truth', but honestly, the maximum he succeeds in achieving (with me at least!) is looking like a royal dolt.

Sure, introspection, talking with yourself and listening to your inner self is important. Even i believe in it (no matter how cynical i might be sounding right now, what with writing this post). But WHICH self respecting person would ACTUALLY go about reciting the 'mantra' "I am grateful that i am serene and tranquil person" in order to attain inner peace? or how about "I am grateful that money and opportunity is flowing my way" for material prosperity? And that too at least 200 times a day for 4 weeks?! what if you are able to do only about 190? Does the entire exercise go down the drain?

A new chapter where he states the importance of the first 30 minutes of the day being the most important seems promising. He states that this time of the day is most fruitful and inspiring, since it influences the rest of the day-- and i feel we are getting somewhere. That now he will actually suggest something worthy. But the suggestion to read profound books like 'Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius and 'Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin' by Thoreau doesn't exactly leave me elated. Or looking forward to getting up next morning. For one, what if the readers who decide to follow him and take up his suggestion are not able to understand the meaning hidden behind these words? Wouldn't it make them feel kind of silly? Most likely their day wouldn't go really well, considering they spent the first 30 minutes in a state of bewilderment and confusion.

In order to preach wisdom, to convince people tp believe in themselves, 'to reach a higher level of self awareness', is it necessary to give them highbrow examples like Thoreau or Herodotus or Euripides? How about picking examples from our own daily lives, or the author's own surrounding? Like the example about him having dinner with his son (and learning something deep from a simple act of scooping the warm soft center and leaving the hard crumbs behind).

Why is it that people believe if you quote Edison or Al Koran or any other apparently famous name you make yourself more believable, even though majority of the readers might not have even heard of their existence. One might say that truth seems more convincing when it comes from those who matter. Granted. But what if these people don't actually matter to most? Are they SUPPOSED to, simply because they are Greek and ancient?

No. Trust me. As a person who belongs to this category, a simple example picked from familiar surroundings (or at least a similar age!), something that i can relate to, makes maximum impact. Even more than the quotations by Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela, erudite though their company might be.

Its not that i am against these books or that they are worthless. Probably they help people discover things they never knew they had. Maybe they make sense to a lot more people than i believe they do. But then you have to be able to understand the basic meaning behind the big words. There's just something about these books that doesn't seem right. Maybe the fact that you have to look so far, step into the surreal-- just to get in touch with YOUR 'real' self?