ever read a book where you got multiple characters, but you pick one character as your own from the very beginning? i've done, often. infact, everytime i pick up a book which becomes MY book. and this time, it's a chick lit book called Glamour by an almost unknown author, Louise Bagshawe.

and my character is Jane Morgan, the 'limey' chick

this is the third time i am reading this book, which goes for a lot, considering i've never repeated a chick lit book before, no matter how much i've liked it. so yeah, for the lady in question...
she's got the grit, the wit, the brains, the looks...et al. and a steely resilience. qualities you can't help but admire. self belief you'd envy...confidence that will make the other person think twice. she will railroad you, you will know it, but you can't do anything about it, because you know she's right. I LOVE IT!
she's not sassy like her friend, just very sure of what she wants and exactly how she's gonna go about it.

an orphan. independent. self made, though not holding a single degree, forget an Ivy League tag. born with a silver spoon, one that was rudely snatched away at seventeen. since then, on her own. she's got control over herself few could muster. ofcourse, like in every other case, reel or real, whenever a guy comes in the picture it disrupts things, but that's just before the happily ever after.
sigh. i love it. after a long long time i've got a character i'm talking about with such adoration. brilliant. go read it you guys. unless ofcourse, you'd much rather go all snooty. :P

this that and then some...

ok..so kids can be cute. not always, but they do have their moments..
there's this primary school right next to my house. my terrace overlooks their 'playground', so if i'm up there, i can basically look in and see their games and stuff, what they're at.
apparently, they're preparing for their annual day these days. so they're performing all these drills and exercises. must be around 6-7 years old. and they are adorable..well, atleast when you looking in from the periphery!

there's this particular girl who is really cute. she is your regular chubby 6 year old. very jovial. always playing pranks on others, and getting scolded by that sorry excuse of a teacher. and whenever she notices me watching, she gets all bashful and gives me a shy smile. and then waves at me. i can't help but grin and wave back. and then, 10 other kids wave back at me. man...i tell you. these guys make me feel like a celebrity!

just today morning, this particular girl noticed me before others. so she started acting all prissy and take charge kinds. playing the role of the perfect kid, the one who does everything right and makes others fall in line too. i just couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud at that little charade. i think she thought she'd managed to impress me, for she gave me a proud self assured smile.

man...i wish i could be 5 again. i think i could fit right in! funny...but i think i was exactly like them. but then again, weren't we all ? :)
_______________________________

it's 7.30 pm right now...

and i'm just back from my jog. i ran after so long! tired, but it was GREAT! everything was just so..amazing. lol. look at me go on about a bloody jog. but it was. good people around, amazing weather, fresh air, everyone around you full of energy, kids skating and playing and what not. i feel brilliant! and so up for everything. bring it on baby! :)

 oh...a random bit of conversation that i couldn't help but overhear, and which had me laughing like a maniac...
"haan sir, main  Gulati bol riya si, Maini sa'ab ki backside se..."
hahahahaha

Just A Face In The Crowd

There goes another fool,
He's so like me,
He's talking to himself,
Thinking no one  can see.

There, see that pretty lady?
She's just like me,
Laughing at something
Only she can read.

There's that little baby,
He's just like me,
Staring at the walls,
At something fascinating as can be.

There, the teenage girl,
She is partly me.
Laughing, listening to her friends' stories,
Thinking it will never be she.

There go the urban young,
They're all kinda like me.
Their confident step and air,
Is all that the world can see.

A li'l bit of me in everyone i see,
Then why do i still feel so lonely?
Why wouldn't this feeling ever go away,
Just a face in the crowd,
That has lost its way.

Catch A Falling Star..

" Catch a falling star an’ put it in your pocket,
Never let it fade away!
Catch a falling star an’ put it in your pocket,
Save it for a rainy day! "

one evening. one word. fantastic. thank you. no more for now. but, thank you :)

just wondering...

can you see, but pretend that you don't?
can you feel, but pretend that you don't?
can you ache, but pretend that you don't?
can you want, but pretend that you don't?
can you understand, but pretend that you don't?
can you listen, but pretend that you don't?
can you drift, but pretend that you don't?
can you know, but pretend that you don't?

...
...

can you see someone bleed, but pretend that you don't?
can you wish to hold out your hand for them, but pretend that you don't?

LOOK! FEEL! BELIEVE! EMOTE! EXPRESS! DON'T HOLD BACK!
if you see something wrong happen, speak up against it!
if something bothers you, don't just keep it in, say it!
if something isn't as you would like it to be, do something about it!
if you see someone in pain, don't just look away!
if you feel strongly enough, don't hold back!
if you want to help someone in need, bloody well do it!
if something bothers you, don't just ignore it!
if something can be put right, don't be afraid to put in the effort!

don't hesitate, don't stop yourself. if you feel it, bloody well show....
don't give up. don't become indifferent.

time and tide..

i think it's time. finally.
and i think i'm ready. finally.
and i want you to be a part of it..
you, you,You..
so hold on tight, and don't let go..  :)

life's little ironies..

dreaming a dream
wishing a wish
singing a song
you're sure to miss...

cache

less of a talker, more of an observer these days. going with the flow. talking to few, keeping things as brief as possible. people call me cold these days. heh. its better than wodering later on...thinking and analysing why you said what you said. why did you bother in the first place. but really, it's ok. much needed. besides, this is good too. positive in its own way. giving time to myself, only. thinking of myself, only. wherever possible. sometimes its difficult. but hey...its all good. got to get used to certain things. and then it will all be ok. it always is.

untitled

"i envy you. things just don't affect you, do they? nothing keeps you down for too long, does it? you just get over things so fast, and so completely. you're just so..ok, so indifferent about everything! you amaze me."

heh. you have no idea. if you only knew what it takes...

life and its ironies... as always

dreaming a dream,
wishing a wish,
singing a song,
you're sure to miss...


funny how sometimes life gives you a second chance, and you miss it, simply because you are too busy figuring out as to why, what you believed in for so long, turned out as badly as it did. how you walk away from what was offered because what you ran after, walked away from you, leaving you embittered and disillusioned. and funny, how, by the time you realize this, disappointment has made what could have been, step back, and retreat completely.

...and the phoenix is reborn

the smell of fresh air, the feel of the cool breeze, the wind on my face, playing with my hair...
the air of good cheer in the surroundings...
things i associate with new beginnings, with optimism,
things that make me feel light and nice and inexplicably happy...
i can feel it.
like certain things have been put to rest, some things i've made peace with..
the jitter that passes through my body whenever a realization sinks in..i am free.
i can feel it.
i want to sing out loud! i want to skip as i walk down the road! i want to do a slight twirl while skipping!
i want to look at a stranger and smile at him.
i want to talk to him and simply discuss inconsequential stuff.
i want to forget about everything that holds me down...
that reminds me of the demands on my time, things that are waiting to be dealt with.
i just want to take in a deep breath, feel it travel through every inch of my body, and let it out.
and when i let it out, i want to let out all the negativity with it.
all that periodically wears me out.
just one day, one moment, in which i can live every fantasy, every dream..
just that one hand to hold on, which makes all this even more special.
nothing complicated, nothing which requires decisions.
just me, that person...and our shared moment.
it could be someone i know, could be someone i don't know, someone i just met, my pleasant stranger..
i don't care.
just someone with whom i can share my smile and my special moment... :)

Where I Come From, Destiny is a Good Thing...

I spent my youth, never questioning a destiny that led me from the top of the Sivalik range to the foothills of the Himalayas. nor the decades i spent gathering the natural goodness of minerals. where i come from, destiny is a good thing. and now that yours has led to me, don't hesitate to drink up.

LIVE NATURAL

[found this on the bottle of a mineral water bottle... pretty interesting i think...]

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN MISS K AND HER C...2

okay.. so yesterday wasn't exactly brilliant. but then again, it wasn't the first time things got annoying, was it? get the groove going, K! get it on!

bunk everything else. nothing is worth it. three months and you're out of this phase. for good, baby! and this time, the promises you're making are only to yourself. no one else. for no one else. this time you gotta cheer and hoot for yourself. you don't have anyone else to cheer you on when chips are down. and this, is nothing but a brilliant opportunity to fight your devils. get on with it! don't brood, don't think, don't bother. just work! keep working! don't bother with things which you have no control over. perfect what you CAN control. ace it! 

you've hit the bottom of the V more often than most. and resolutely climbed up. hell, you can be as bullheaded and stubborn as they get. then why not now?! you don't need anyone to else to remind you whats important to you, important for you, right?! how CAN anyone even begin to do it for you, when you fail to do it for yourself? they can't. and you can't even expect them to. it's gotta be you babe. and you will do it. because there's no good reason why you won't...

you wanna hold the sun rays in your hand, you gotta reach out for it. and thats the only way. fuck all else. you want it, you go for it, and you will have it. that's the only thing to do, and thats the only way to be. and more often than not, if you really REALLY want it that bad, you gonna have it in your hand. and it's gonna be all yours. a product of only your bloody sweat and perseverance. so go now!

tired. disappointed. annoyed. under pressure. irritated. anti social. theatrical. dramatic. sad. blue.confused. scared. clueless. aggressive. short tempered. easily distracted. hyper. emotional. insecure. masked. high.

5

And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And he answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.


When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the 'nay' in your own mind, nor do you withhold the 'ay'.

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth; and only the unprofitable is caught.


And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

4

then said a rich man, Speak to us of Giving.

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what ar your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the over-prudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have- and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in the giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.


It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.

And is there aught you withhold?

All you have shall someday be given;

Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.


You often say, 'i would give, but only to the deserving.'

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from his little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.


And you receivers- and you are all receivers- assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on the wings;

For to be overmindful of your debt is to doubt his generosity who has the free hearted earth for mother, and God for father.

I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS..

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.
The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

-- MAYA ANGELOU

a status update on facebook:

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."



HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !!


[ note: this has been in my drafts for a month now... can't figure how i didn't post it. but hey... 11 months still to go! :) ]