So much that i wish for...
So much that i want...
But such few chances of it happening...
It almost brings me down...
Why is it that the impossible seems just so attractive? Why is it that you look for the impossible to ensure that your insecurities aren't ever brought to the fore, hoping that the sheer knowledge of its impossibility would keep you safe and immune...but then, that immunity is soon gone. And then you're left wondering as to WHAT exactly is it all about?!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
to you, you and You.
this one is for all of you- mum, dad and mona. my support system. and one more person, though right now am very mad at you. and You.
thank you. for being around and living with my craziness. and well...for all that you've had to stand the last few days.
----end----
Saturday, May 30, 2009
LIFE... I WONDER
Life...what is it all about?
A struggle called existence, or a fight for survival?
Are the two really that removed from each other?
I wonder...
Is it about feelings or facts,
Or something altogether different?
Is it about taking each day as it comes,
Or planning every single minute in advance?
Do we cherish this existence,
Or, do we curse every morning we see?
Why are some so eager to embrace it,
While others think of it as but an obligation?
How come it is so easy to make some happy,
Yet so difficult to get some to smile?
How come some smile so easily and always,
Yet that smile is but a farce put up for the world?
How come some get everything so easily,
While others struggle on without much success?
Is it about the little joys, the trifle sorrows
Or is it merely the bigger things that count?
Is it the journey undertaken which matters,
Or the destination you seek to reach?
Is it right to express yourself honestly,
Or better still to simply maintain the status quo?
I wonder...
And finally...how much of it does really matter anyway?
I wonder...
A struggle called existence, or a fight for survival?
Are the two really that removed from each other?
I wonder...
Is it about feelings or facts,
Or something altogether different?
Is it about taking each day as it comes,
Or planning every single minute in advance?
Do we cherish this existence,
Or, do we curse every morning we see?
Why are some so eager to embrace it,
While others think of it as but an obligation?
How come it is so easy to make some happy,
Yet so difficult to get some to smile?
How come some smile so easily and always,
Yet that smile is but a farce put up for the world?
How come some get everything so easily,
While others struggle on without much success?
Is it about the little joys, the trifle sorrows
Or is it merely the bigger things that count?
Is it the journey undertaken which matters,
Or the destination you seek to reach?
Is it right to express yourself honestly,
Or better still to simply maintain the status quo?
I wonder...
And finally...how much of it does really matter anyway?
I wonder...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
CONFUSION GALORE
Don't know what i feel. Don't know what i want. Don't know who i want.
Just that i do. Feel. Want.
What was a solution yesterday, has become the puzzle today.
What was nonexistent yesterday, has become a reality today.
What i wanted yesterday, no longer moves me today.
What i saw happening yesterday, seems but a mirage today.
What i want tomorrow, doesn't seem to motivate me today.
Am i a wuss? an escapist? Do i get carried away by inane random immaterial things?
Am i too foolish to let small things affect me now, affect what i am doing now?
Is it atrocious to let emotions and feelings influence you?
Am i foolish not to know how to get out of this? Or try hard enough?
Maybe. No not maybe, maybe. Actually.
Just that i do. Feel. Want.
What was a solution yesterday, has become the puzzle today.
What was nonexistent yesterday, has become a reality today.
What i wanted yesterday, no longer moves me today.
What i saw happening yesterday, seems but a mirage today.
What i want tomorrow, doesn't seem to motivate me today.
Am i a wuss? an escapist? Do i get carried away by inane random immaterial things?
Am i too foolish to let small things affect me now, affect what i am doing now?
Is it atrocious to let emotions and feelings influence you?
Am i foolish not to know how to get out of this? Or try hard enough?
Maybe. No not maybe, maybe. Actually.
Friday, March 27, 2009
LIFE. HAPPENS
You get up, go to college, sit for exams, screw yourself. Meet people, laugh with them. Whether you find their jokes funny or not. You sit through classes, sit through work. Then you are on your way home. On the way you decide to take a detour. Go to the bakery, look around. Grab a thing or two. Benetton sale. Some funny memories pop up in the head. Grin, looking at the people grab whatever they can lay their hands on, dig into your chocolate eclaire, walk towards home.
The wind...wonderful. Wonder why people complain about the poor thing all the time. In winters too cold, in summers too dry and hot. Maybe in the extreme weather. Right now, its calm, pleasant and refreshing. Slaps your face when you are in danger of getting lost. Ugh. Twilight. Worst and the most hated part of the day. Quicken your pace. Can't wait for the dark. Get home. Talk with mum, jump around, crack some patent lame ones, have some potato chips. Then go to the room and get under the sheets. To get some sleep. Switch lights off. Its nice and cosy. Just you and the darkness. Some find it eery and brooding. Not you. Darkness lets you be. Covers for you. No one can see whether you sleep or lie awake with your thoughts. It makes you think. About things without any preconceived ideas, prejudices, without letting you make the things less painful and more factual. Doesn't let your vision color. You lie and think. Think and know your own mind. Know your mind and deal with facts. Deal with facts and accept them. In the meantime you let the tears flow. Let the silent sobs out. More than a year it has been. A year of pretending to others and yourself that it didn't matter. That it would be the way you want it, sometime. But the reality strikes in darkness. And with it comes a relief. Finally putting an end to it all.
People say teenagers or people in their 20s are dramatic, extreme, idealistic. But i disagree. This is life. Life happens to everyone. Period.
The wind...wonderful. Wonder why people complain about the poor thing all the time. In winters too cold, in summers too dry and hot. Maybe in the extreme weather. Right now, its calm, pleasant and refreshing. Slaps your face when you are in danger of getting lost. Ugh. Twilight. Worst and the most hated part of the day. Quicken your pace. Can't wait for the dark. Get home. Talk with mum, jump around, crack some patent lame ones, have some potato chips. Then go to the room and get under the sheets. To get some sleep. Switch lights off. Its nice and cosy. Just you and the darkness. Some find it eery and brooding. Not you. Darkness lets you be. Covers for you. No one can see whether you sleep or lie awake with your thoughts. It makes you think. About things without any preconceived ideas, prejudices, without letting you make the things less painful and more factual. Doesn't let your vision color. You lie and think. Think and know your own mind. Know your mind and deal with facts. Deal with facts and accept them. In the meantime you let the tears flow. Let the silent sobs out. More than a year it has been. A year of pretending to others and yourself that it didn't matter. That it would be the way you want it, sometime. But the reality strikes in darkness. And with it comes a relief. Finally putting an end to it all.
People say teenagers or people in their 20s are dramatic, extreme, idealistic. But i disagree. This is life. Life happens to everyone. Period.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
ah pegheadedness!
i refuse to initiate things. REFUSE. and yes, i don't care for how bloody long. period.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
WHAT WOMEN WANT
For the past few days, a number of my friends have been having problems in the 'girls department'-- why did she leave me? what are they looking for in a guy? how do i ask a girl out? what do you look for in a guy? and the like...
They seem to think that one person's tastes and preferences, thinking etc is somehow applicable on the whole race. I don't know what is it that attracts ALL females towards a guy per se, or what keeps that attraction there. So here is an attempt. Any more questions and i send you right on this page ;)
One thing i have noticed, atleast among my friends and those around me, is that a girl doesn't go for a guy simply for his looks. Sure, they would like their men to be decent looking, tall, lean, strong and what not. But thats merely an add on, not a prerequisite. And fair guys, especially those fairer than the girl are a usual no. Sorry, but atleast in most cases. They usually believe that a man's looks and brains don't usually go together. If a man looks good, generally either he won't know how to talk, or be gay. And unfortunately, most use it as a thumb rule which hasn't been proved wrong. MOSTLY.
Personally i feel an ordinarily decent looking guy is a lot better than a perfectly chiselled greek god. Why? Because sooner or later the charm wears off and you are looking for a way out. Whereas, with a normal regular guy it is sort of the opposite. Reasons:
a) when you are attracted, you know for a fact that its not just the looks and that you "appreciate them for who they are"
b)you notice smaller details about them over time as they grow on you.
Besides this, he ought to be able to understand you without you having to put everything into words, without feeling that you need to justify your actions. You should be able to feel secure about the fact that somewhere down the line his insecurities, ego and competitiveness are not going to come forward and wreck it all. Silences shouldn't be awkward and filled with a need to out in words to avoid them.You should be... i don't know... able to feel ok just sitting around each other simply doing your own thing without grudging each other that. And yes, please don't expect her to always do all the understanding. Being the female, she is expected to understand the situation, understand HER emotion and YOURS as well. Then, she is expected to accommodate hers in a way which would spare your ego any sort of pain. AND THEN expected to forget all about it. NOT fair.
Yes, a guy should be protective, assertive, possessive and willing to play Lochniver for his damsel. All fairy tales teach us that. But what is EQUALLY important is not to get overprotective, aggressive, obsessive OR unnecessarily take up our fights for us. That is i guess what differentiates chivalry from chauvinism.It is a great feeling to know you can depend upon someone for their support irrespective of the magnitude of the problem.
The biggest thing however, is DON'T try to cover up your weaknesses with false bravado and machismo. Trust me, we might be credited with a pea sized brain but even through that we are able to see through the facade mostly. And WHEN that happens it makes everything about you seem like one big illusion- the good points fade, the bad ones get highlighted. So yeah, stick with facts. But that doesn't mean you whine about them. Simply let them be what they are-- facts about you.
And here, i end my monologue. Comments are welcome. :)
PS: this whole post is based on what i've observed or seen around me-- the likes, preferences and dislikes. On reading through, the portrait conjured seems to be a tough one to live upto. In case you do, FIND A GIRL WORTHY OF YOU! ;)
They seem to think that one person's tastes and preferences, thinking etc is somehow applicable on the whole race. I don't know what is it that attracts ALL females towards a guy per se, or what keeps that attraction there. So here is an attempt. Any more questions and i send you right on this page ;)
One thing i have noticed, atleast among my friends and those around me, is that a girl doesn't go for a guy simply for his looks. Sure, they would like their men to be decent looking, tall, lean, strong and what not. But thats merely an add on, not a prerequisite. And fair guys, especially those fairer than the girl are a usual no. Sorry, but atleast in most cases. They usually believe that a man's looks and brains don't usually go together. If a man looks good, generally either he won't know how to talk, or be gay. And unfortunately, most use it as a thumb rule which hasn't been proved wrong. MOSTLY.
Personally i feel an ordinarily decent looking guy is a lot better than a perfectly chiselled greek god. Why? Because sooner or later the charm wears off and you are looking for a way out. Whereas, with a normal regular guy it is sort of the opposite. Reasons:
a) when you are attracted, you know for a fact that its not just the looks and that you "appreciate them for who they are"
b)you notice smaller details about them over time as they grow on you.
Besides this, he ought to be able to understand you without you having to put everything into words, without feeling that you need to justify your actions. You should be able to feel secure about the fact that somewhere down the line his insecurities, ego and competitiveness are not going to come forward and wreck it all. Silences shouldn't be awkward and filled with a need to out in words to avoid them.You should be... i don't know... able to feel ok just sitting around each other simply doing your own thing without grudging each other that. And yes, please don't expect her to always do all the understanding. Being the female, she is expected to understand the situation, understand HER emotion and YOURS as well. Then, she is expected to accommodate hers in a way which would spare your ego any sort of pain. AND THEN expected to forget all about it. NOT fair.
Yes, a guy should be protective, assertive, possessive and willing to play Lochniver for his damsel. All fairy tales teach us that. But what is EQUALLY important is not to get overprotective, aggressive, obsessive OR unnecessarily take up our fights for us. That is i guess what differentiates chivalry from chauvinism.It is a great feeling to know you can depend upon someone for their support irrespective of the magnitude of the problem.
The biggest thing however, is DON'T try to cover up your weaknesses with false bravado and machismo. Trust me, we might be credited with a pea sized brain but even through that we are able to see through the facade mostly. And WHEN that happens it makes everything about you seem like one big illusion- the good points fade, the bad ones get highlighted. So yeah, stick with facts. But that doesn't mean you whine about them. Simply let them be what they are-- facts about you.
And here, i end my monologue. Comments are welcome. :)
PS: this whole post is based on what i've observed or seen around me-- the likes, preferences and dislikes. On reading through, the portrait conjured seems to be a tough one to live upto. In case you do, FIND A GIRL WORTHY OF YOU! ;)
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
US and us
"Post attacks, Bush sends Rice to India", reads the headlines of one of the articles in a daily today. The reason for the visit-- but obviously the Mumbai siege.It is to 'show US's solidarity with the people of India and hold the extremists responsible', as more commonly being propogated. However, a bigger and more valid reason is the loss of American lives that has spurred it into action, as against its usual stand of distancing itself from the multiple terrorist attacks that India has suffered over the years.
Moreover, the recent chill in Indo-Pak ties after the Mumbai carnage and its possible repurcussions is another major reason. The US would not like any unilaterally punitive measures by New Delhi to adversely impact its war on terror along Pak's western front. Hence, the US is seeking to temper New Delhi's response and come up with jointly beneficial options.
This appears to be an undermining of the Indian sovereignty to a certain extent, as many would have us believe, especially since the US support seems to be more for its own benefit. And to a certain extent, it wouldn't be a wrong conclusion.
But then again, this sort of outside intervention, even if it might be for their own interesr, is welcome at this point. For hasn't the inability of our successive governments and our ineptness to deal with the scourge of terrorism harmed us enough? One might accuse the Americans of ALWAYS selfishly putting their own interests ahead of everyone else's, even when seemingly offering support, but can they deny the fact that if any country knows how to take care of its own, its America? No, for no matter whether its one life or 6 lives or hundreds of lives, they will never back away from punishing the guilty.
Furthermore, US support, in the form of intelligence aid, including technological inputs, collaboration of the US investigative agencies with the Indian agencies, etc. is too necessary to be frowned upon.
As per the article referred to earlier, one of the actions being informally considered is to strive for a UN resolution empowering a coalition of the affected countries to dismantle terrorist camps in Pakistan, including Pakistan occupied Kashmir.These affected countries include India, US, UK, China and Russia, and also some countries from the European Union and Israel due the loss of lives suffered by them in the Mumbai siege.
What will be the result of all this, remains to be seen. However, what makes THIS tragedy different (apart from the scale of loss suffered) is the unequivocal response that it has generated the world over, which goes beyond the usual condolences. Hopefully all this will bear fruit and arouse those in charge enough to work together for avoidance of similar pathetic tragedies in the future.
Moreover, the recent chill in Indo-Pak ties after the Mumbai carnage and its possible repurcussions is another major reason. The US would not like any unilaterally punitive measures by New Delhi to adversely impact its war on terror along Pak's western front. Hence, the US is seeking to temper New Delhi's response and come up with jointly beneficial options.
This appears to be an undermining of the Indian sovereignty to a certain extent, as many would have us believe, especially since the US support seems to be more for its own benefit. And to a certain extent, it wouldn't be a wrong conclusion.
But then again, this sort of outside intervention, even if it might be for their own interesr, is welcome at this point. For hasn't the inability of our successive governments and our ineptness to deal with the scourge of terrorism harmed us enough? One might accuse the Americans of ALWAYS selfishly putting their own interests ahead of everyone else's, even when seemingly offering support, but can they deny the fact that if any country knows how to take care of its own, its America? No, for no matter whether its one life or 6 lives or hundreds of lives, they will never back away from punishing the guilty.
Furthermore, US support, in the form of intelligence aid, including technological inputs, collaboration of the US investigative agencies with the Indian agencies, etc. is too necessary to be frowned upon.
As per the article referred to earlier, one of the actions being informally considered is to strive for a UN resolution empowering a coalition of the affected countries to dismantle terrorist camps in Pakistan, including Pakistan occupied Kashmir.These affected countries include India, US, UK, China and Russia, and also some countries from the European Union and Israel due the loss of lives suffered by them in the Mumbai siege.
What will be the result of all this, remains to be seen. However, what makes THIS tragedy different (apart from the scale of loss suffered) is the unequivocal response that it has generated the world over, which goes beyond the usual condolences. Hopefully all this will bear fruit and arouse those in charge enough to work together for avoidance of similar pathetic tragedies in the future.
Monday, November 17, 2008
WHAT IT TAKES
Takes but a small thing to make you happy.
To make you cherish someone's company.
To make you feel special.
Takes but a small thing to make you wanna live forever.
To wish that the day would never end.
To make you dream those tantalizing dreams for the future.
To pin your hopes for that future on a flimsy yet ideal premise.
But then again,
Takes but a small thing to bring those wishes and expectations tumbling down.
Friday, November 7, 2008
LOOKING AT THE EAGLE AND OBSERVING...
I feel...
- The election was fought between an idealist and a realist.
- The idealist's election campaign centred around fighting and working for what he thinks and believes to be the reality. The realist's take- for what he thought would be an ideal campaign.
- Finally, in the reality struck nation, the idealist won.
- For the first time in a long LONG time optimism and belief in what CAN be and SHOULD be done seems to have actually won over cynisicm.
Hah! for the first time i feel its not completely foolish to hang onto a picture perfect kind of scenario. Plus, the euphoria and madness sweeping over the world, NOT just to mention the US, seems kind of ironical, considering not so long ago any sort of quixotic utopian ideas or feelings were laughed at in your face, being taken as a synonym for naivete, and derision and cynicism lauded.
Funny how one man, who wasn't even heard of till not so long ago, can change the way things go around the world.
Does this signify a change, truly? Can he help bring back that lost hope, make the nation once again THE POWER as he promised? Would he be more in news for his policies and their implementation than his political gaffes? Can he make the people look at the Americans as something more substantial than pop culture struck Paris-lusting-Britney-bashing-emo-promoting nation of slackers?
PS: I have ALWAYS wondered but never figured... HOW is it that though everyone has something negative to say about America, yet they don't mind packing their bags and rushing for its shores every opportunity they get?
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