A excerpt of a conversation with a friend...
...
KM: what do you mean, you are sick and tired of the way you are?

MK: i mean exactly what i said.

KM: and that would mean...?

MK: have you ever felt that people take you for granted? that because you happen to be a good listener, they happen to come to you when they need to offload the burden but once done, you might not even exist!

KM: hmmm... sometimes yes, but not always! i mean i AM a listener you know! :)

MK: thats just not it you see... its this whole lack of self confidence thing. i have started judging myself on the basis of other people's opinion of me, their behaviour towards me. if they talk to me, laugh around with me, i feel like i'm on top of the world. but where they happen to not act towards me in a manner i feel they ought to, i feel rejected. i try to act in the way they would want me to, talk like i think they would want me to. i feel this whole pressure of always saying the wittiest of things, laughing and joking around, saying the things they wanna hear. i feel if i don't they won't like me anymore. i envy the people who are all reserved and quiet...but still have their own loyal bunch of sidekicks. i would like act like that for a day just to know how the people around me react.


i had more or less dismissed it as a case of post teenage hangover or something when i realized its not that. i mean every second person i see or find around me-- the tweens, the hip crowd, parents (yes!), celebrities, blah blah blah... is living a facade-- whether knowingly or unknowingly only they can answer. look around you... its all around us! we all have our 'reputations' to maintain. and those of us who consider ourselves to be social misfits try to enhance it whenever possible?

"suckers!", i heard someone think out loud?