Living on a Prayer...

hmm. i think i should stop trying. really. why even bother? why put yourself in line again and again and again? i should simply accept it. i don't belong. neither here, nor there. for some i am way too aggressive, for others way too submissive. some think i am too rigid and opinionated, others feel i am way too indecisive. never a happy medium am i able to strike. never.

and you know what? it doesn't even matter. because after a while, it stops mattering. those people stop mattering that much. that inclination to attract them, that wish to be more acceptable to them dies. just goes away. and you are like, "you know what? fuck it. i don't give a flying fuck as to what you want. besides, you're hardly capable of giving me what I want. why should i bother?"

what would i really like? hmmm...now that's a tricky one. i want someone who is as curious about me as i am about him. someone as interested in me, everything about me, as i am in him. someone who looks beyond that approachable exterior so easily accessible by everone. someone who wishes to know every single detail about me, is annoyingly curious about everything...what makes me tick, what makes me smile, laugh out loud, cry, think...everything. someone who wants to know me as well as he knows himself. who is an extension of me. someone who knows what i feel, think, believe, want just as well as i do. someone for whom my feelings, emotions, wants, needs, preferences...everything, is as important as his own. someone who knows me inside out, WANTS to know me inside out. someone i can trust blindly. someone stronger than me, better than me. someone i can trust enough, look up to. someone who knows my worst, knows exactly how to hurt me. someone i trust enough to show my weakest side to. someone who has the power to completely destroy me, bring me down, yet would never use it against me, no matter where we are, what are status is. someone assertive, who asserts his right over me, without suffocating me. someone whose proximity doesn't make me run away from him. someone who doesn't bore me. someone i wish to open up to.

and someone, who gives me all this too. allows me an 'all access' permit with respect to himself. to whom i mean as much as he means to me. who feels the same way about me.

i want him to be my complimentary opposite. yin to my yang.

too idealistic? i think so...

have i ever met someone who comes close? no...
impossible? maybe...

should i learn to settle for less? i don't know...