UNTITLED

Hey, man I'm alive I'm takin' each day and night at a time

I'm feelin' like a Monday but someday I'll be Saturday night...

Ever been in a situation where you realize that your weakest moment is but a revelation of your true self? How, when you are at your worst, you suddenly realize what it takes to survive. And that survive you can, on your own, without a shoulder, without any support.

Hell, at that point it doesn’t seem possible. It isn’t, not when months’ worth of frustration, anger, pressure, pent up emotions, uncertainty and whatever else suddenly burst out of you. They have you lying on the floor, shouting, crying, broken. It feels like nothing can take away from that pain. You, in your last attempt, summon whatever little self control you can, and call your best friend. But he, groggy from sleep, can’t understand you, nor can he stand your incoherence and refusal to divulge the details and reasons. You cut the call, and finally let yourself go. In the house, all alone, aching for someone, anyone to be with, you let go. You tear a tee to pieces, with your bare hands, hoping that would help the rage. You spend yourself, letting it all out.

Once you’re done, you sit up. Look around you. Try to gather yourself. Tell yourself you are strong enough, can handle it. You go back to what you were doing. You keep at it, urging yourself on, telling yourself you are more than capable to deal with it.

You feel better. A couple of hours later, you call another friend, looking for a much needed diversion, but unable to talk to him about whatever had happened. But he is angry with you. You’ve somehow unknowingly distressed him. You try and explain, but you are in no condition to argue your point. He hangs up on you. You make one last effort, then you let it be.

Then comes the second breakdown for the day, something new for you as well. But thankfully, your mother is home now. You can put your arms around her and vent, simply cry for the next half hour. Surprisingly, she understands the need for silence, and doesn’t plague you for reasons.

And you melt down, once again. Not as badly as before, but you do.

Two hours down, you are sane again. You’ve decided to stop being such a wreck and to sort yourself, for the sake of your sanity more than anything else. And fight it you do. All by yourself, not letting anyone see, for a second, the storm raging in your head. It’s taken you 2-3 days, but slowly, you have come to terms with the reality- once again. What’s that? It’s simple really...

When it really comes down to it, it’s just you. And that’s enough.