5

And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And he answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.


When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the 'nay' in your own mind, nor do you withhold the 'ay'.

And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth; and only the unprofitable is caught.


And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

4

then said a rich man, Speak to us of Giving.

And he answered:

You give but little when you give of your possessions.

It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

For what ar your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow?

And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the over-prudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city?

And what is fear of need but need itself?

Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?

There are those who give little of the much which they have- and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.

And there are those who have little and give it all.

These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism.

And there are those who give and know not pain in the giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue;

They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space.

Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.


It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding;

And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving.

And is there aught you withhold?

All you have shall someday be given;

Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors'.


You often say, 'i would give, but only to the deserving.'

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from his little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed?

See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving.

For in truth it is life that gives unto life- while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.


And you receivers- and you are all receivers- assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives.

Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on the wings;

For to be overmindful of your debt is to doubt his generosity who has the free hearted earth for mother, and God for father.

I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD SINGS..

A free bird leaps on the back of the wind
and floats downstream till the current ends
and dips his wing in the orange suns rays and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage
can seldom see through his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.
The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
of things unknown but longed for still
and his tune is heard on the distant hill
for the caged bird sings of freedom.

-- MAYA ANGELOU

a status update on facebook:

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."



HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE !!


[ note: this has been in my drafts for a month now... can't figure how i didn't post it. but hey... 11 months still to go! :) ]

pocketful of sunshine

The sun is on my side
Takes me for a ride
I smile up to the sky
I know I'll be alright


back from class. having dinner while typing this. note to self: hot vegetable soup can be pretty damn awesome!

coming back to the reason for this post. i am so brimming with the feel good feeling right now! optimistic. happy. unabashedly grinning. and yes, this is surprising, considering i was in one of those bleh moods this very afternoon. the reason? my three amazing guys...saurabh, rishabh and dev. ...just like the old days. so much to talk of, so many things to share. funny how it's so easy to simply TALK with some people. you don't have to try, you don't have to think. you are simply around them, and things take care of themselves. not just momentarily, but otherwise too. how naturally they ease up everything. make you feel good about yourself. how the simple fact that they're just there, somewhere around, always, makes you smile.

saurabh...my huge jock like guy. the silly PJs, the lame cracks, the 'wacky' humor, the gossips, the shared ambitions, the easy confidences. a typical guy, yet not quite so. pretty simple in his approach to life and everything else. reserved with most, but a livewire with those he's close to. and man...what a goss! lol. i love his take on things. one of my favoritest people.

rishabh...the brainy idiot. and destiny's favored child. pretty typical in his outlook, and well, a bit of a hypocrite. but also one of the most generous and grounded people i've met. suffers from the 'foot in mouth' disease though. can say the weirdest of things at the worst of times. and yes, he's worse than me, if that's even possible. heh. but he is also capable of doing the nicest and sweetest things for you, on his own. things which make you realize how lucky you are to have someone like him around. if there's something he can do for you, he will. also, the guy who drilled the 'jack ya check' funda into my brain. how astonished he was by the fact that i don't believe they can work everywhere. his exact words: kritika, you're so innocent. and so naive. lol.

dev...my dev! :) i lowve you! what can i say about you? i think everyone who knows me has had me go on about you constantly. dev did this, he did that. he is so irritating, he's so nice.. heh. one of the very few people to whom i can say just about anything and everything. i can be mean, say harsh things, just about anything, bang the phone on him, not see him for months together. but i know that the next time i pick up the phone and call him, and it's all gonna be ok. i don't have to even apologise, or try and make it right. because he understands. and how. i don't think anyone has seen me so broken, so down, and so many times. most think i'm incapable of it i guess. the one who's had to be on the other side so many times, to hear me break into tears, or rant, or curse. i don't think i've shared this much of myself with anyone else. and i guess that's exactly why you feel so strongly about things which affect me, and are always looking out for me. i don't think anyone else would understand me this way, around who i can be this way. and i guess that's exactly how i feel about you too. you're my favorite gossip girlfriend. my 3 am friend. my crying shoulder. my disaster-management consultant. lol. i love how things are so uncomplicated between us. and i hope this is how they remain always. :)

you guys can make me smile anytime, anywhere. a phone call, a few hours here and there... those college days won't ever be back again. we'l never sit on pavements, looking at cars pass us by, or lie in the winter sun making future plans, or have the time to talk with each other 5-6 times a day. we'l meet new people and temporarily forget about each other. but that's all ok. because we know that we can count on each other, take each other for granted, and will always be just a call away...

sighhh...what a senti post. this is what a weekend full of all three of you does to me!

ah well...

i hate this lonely feeling. i hate this feeling of being alone in the crowd. i have soo many people around me, so many who care about me. who love me, who get bothered when i get bothered. but there's still this feeling of being a lone ranger. always the lone ranger...

closure

KM: lol
i hate you
hahahaha
PJ: you do?
KM: soo much!
PJ: i miss ya at times ..man
miss our long long talks
heh
KM: i know...me too
lol
insane talks
PJ: yeah tht too
lol
KM: no
i mean insane as in
they used to range
PJ: i know
i know
i am just messing
KM: from stupid to profound
uggghhh!
everyone loves messing with me
WHY dear lord?!
:(
PJ: heh
man....i hate ya
for not leeting me meet you
last year
i hate ya soo much for tht

KM: :)
i dont have to go into an explanation of why i think
PJ: there cant be a good explanation
so yeah
dont even
KM: hmmm
i dont know
it seemed like a practical thing at that point of time
PJ: ehh lifes no fun with all the practical things
KM: i know
PJ: i still have your gift
KM: and i have yours...
PJ: liar
KM: lol. WELL...yeah
PJ: i know. i still feel bad.
i still have your writing journal
KM: :)
PJ: its soo pretty
i am gonna meet ya give it to ya
one day
:-)
KM: one day...
:)

funny, how things suddenly stop affecting you. or pinching you. and funny what all can help you achieve that. the same person, maybe? this is an excerpt of a recent conversation.

Happy Anniversary Parthojeet Sengupta :)

have a good life...

just blowing off steam...

i just wanna disappear. go away. from everyone. everything. i don't want to be around people.

silence, complete and absolute; solitude, uninterrupted; introspection, completely objective; objectivity, now that's something i've kind of lost over the years; willpower to actually do what i have in mind, well..that needs complete detachment too...these are the things i really need.

 and that's not possible if i don't completely distance myself from anyone and everyone. soo many opinions, so many advices...and all so varied. somewhere along the line i've lost my own point of view. some are looking out for me, some trying to protect me, some trying to goad me, some trying to test me. some think i'm naive and gullible. others think i lack a backbone. some think i am too trusting. others think i doubt and analyse and second guess too much. you know what? thank you all, but i've had enough. i respect your opinions and concerns and everything, but i am not a child. i can look out for myself.

i need time out. time away. from everything and everyone. especially from certain people. i need to clear my head. and i really need to examine my relationship with some who i thought were the closest...funny, how everyone saw through the 'facade' when i couldn't, not in all these years. anyway, enough ranting  i guess.

...and so it is

'...she took rhett's hand and drew him with her to a window. the sight that met their eyes was sobering. dozens of dark fingers of smoke reached up from every direction, making dirty stains on the tender rose color of the sky. scarlett's eyes filled with tears.

rhett put his arm around her shoulders. "we can build it all back, darling."

scarlett blinked away the tears. "no rhett, i don't want to. cat's not safe here in ballyhara, and i guess i'm not either. i won't sell up, this is o'hara land, and i won't let it go. but i don't want another Big House, or another town. my cousins can find some farmers to work the land. no matter how much shouting and burning, the Irish will always love the land. pa used to tell me it was like his mother to the Irishman.

"but i don't belong here, not anymore. maybe i never did really, or i wouldn't have been so ready to go off to dublin and house parties and hunts... i don't know where i belong, rhett. i don't even feel at home anymore when i go to Tara."

to scarlett's surprise, rhett laughed, and the laughter was rich with joy. "you belong with me, scarlett, haven't you figured that out? and the world is where we belong, all of it. we're not home-and-hearth people. we're the adventurers, the buccaneers, the blockade runners. without challenge we're only half alive. we can go anywhere, and as long as we're together, it will belong to us. but, my pet, we'll never belong to it. that's for other people, not for us." '

..AND ALL THAT JAZZ

funny.. how 2 people can want the same thing, but the interpretation of the same be so different. how the same word can have different meanings, yet be equally definitive for the respective parties. how they can want the same word o define what they want, YET not use it for each other. how somehow, they can't give the other what (s)he wants...and how, that one aspect can completely change things.