GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!

got to get back to reading, got to get back to reading. got to get in sync with the world...update my GA! yeesh lord...i've soo let go of myself! :|

dayummm! i've been so wrapped up in wallowing about what a sad life i have, i have completely cut myself off! i feel like this ostracized sad not so little thing. bleeeehhh!!

ok ok... things to do:

1) get hold of the newspaper, update myself with whats happening

2) subscribe to my journals

3) write on things which interest me again, and NOT only on soppy things

4) update my music and listen to some new stuff

5) clean up the clutter all around me

6) clean up the clutter in my head!

7) up my financial markets IQ...man, i soo wanna know everything about them!

8) get on track with my course

9) catch up and keep up with atleast 2 people everyday

10) finally put up my 25 before 25 to do list on my blog

11) read all those unread books

12) watch atleast 1 movie every night

13) keep away from things which clutter my mind and confuse me

14) keep my moroseness quotient in check... spread cheer baby!

15) when i say, 'que sera sera', actually BELIEVE in it!

that's it for now...am off!

another post coming soon, at the end of the day, to check the progress. tadaa! :)

2

Then a hermit, who visited the city once a year, came forth and said, Speak to us of Pleasure.

And he answered, saying:
Pleasure is a freedom song,
But it is not freedom.
It is the blossoming of your desires,
But it is not the fruit.
It is a depth calling unto a height,
But it is not the deep nor the high.
It is the caged taking wing,
But it is not space encompassed.

Ay, in very truth, pleasure is a freedom song.

And I fain would have you sing it with fullness of heart; yet I would not have you lose your hearts in the singing.


Some of your youth seek pleasure as if it were all, and they are judged and rebuked.
I would not judge them nor rebuke them. I would have them seek.

For they shall find pleasure, but not her alone;

Seven are her sisters, and the least of them is more beautiful than pleasure.

Have you not heard of the man who was digging in the earth for roots and found a treasure?


And some of your elders remember pleasures with regret like wrongs committed in drunkenness.

But regret is the beclouding of the mind and not its chastisement.

They should remember their pleasures with gratitude, as they would the harvest of a summer.

Yet if it comforts them to regret, let them be comforted.


And then there are among you those who are neither young to seek nor old to remember;

And in their fear of seeking and remembering they shun all pleasures, lest they neglect the spirit or offend against it.

But even in their foregoing is their pleasure.

And thus they too find a treasure though they dig for roots with quivering hands.

But tell me, who is he that can offend the spirit?

Shall the nightingale offend the stillness of the night, or the firefly the stars?

And shall your flame or your smoke burden the wind?

Think you the spirit is a still pool which you can trouble with a staff?


Oftentimes in denying yourself pleasure you do but store the desire in the recesses of your being.

Who knows but that which seems omitted today, waits for tomorrow?

Even your body knows its heritage and its rightful need and will not be deceived.

And your body is the harp of your soul,

And it is yours to bring forth sweet music from it or confused sounds.


And now you ask in your heart, 'How shall we distinguish that which is good in pleasure from that which is not good?'

Go to your fields and your gardens, and you shall learn that it is the pleasure of the bee to gather honey of the flower,

But it is also the pleasure of the flower to yield its honey to the bee.

For to the bee a flower is a fountain of life.

And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love.

And to both, bee and flower, the giving and the receiving of pleasure is a need and an ecstasy.

People Are Crazy And Times Are Strange

I’ve been walking forty miles of bad road
If the Bible is right, the world will explode
I’ve been trying to get as far away from myself as I can
Some things are too hot to touch
The human mind can only stand so much
You can’t win with a losing hand

People are crazy and times are strange
I’m locked in tight, I’m out of range
I used to care, but things have changed

I hurt easy, I just don’t show it
You can hurt someone and not even know it
The next sixty seconds could be like an eternity
Gonna get low down, gonna fly high
All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie

Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I’m not that eager to make a mistake

People are crazy and times are strange
I’m locked in tight, I’m out of range
I used to care, but things have changed

so finally, indifference is sinking in. just another mile to go, and we'l be there! :-)

1

...Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love,

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you, follow him, 

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him.

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure.

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed.

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, 'God is in my heart,' but rather,'I am in the heart of God.'

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love.

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstacy;

To return home at evetide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

i want my rhett. sigh. :'(

OF THE SUN AND CLOUDS...

was on the terrace... spaced out for a bit, looking at the sky...the sun, the clouds.. when i first looked, the sun was hidden behind the clouds, hardly visible to the eye. then, just as i was looking, started emerging bit by bit. concentrating, i tried noticing the 'movements'...but no show. it was just...there. hidden, emerging, but still there, just the same.

ofcourse it was the clouds moving, covering it. but the romantic, no logic state that my brain was in, it didn't strike me immediately. when it struck me, i couldn't help laughing at myself. those first few classes of science, of EVS. genius! duh!

and then another random thought came to my mind...isn't it how we are, how life is? a game of hide and seek...what we wish for, that source of all motivation..it's right there, our 'sun'. always. it;s just that we don't look for it the right way..let ourselves get distracted by the 'clouds'... we're so busy figuring out the blanket we forget what it was that we were looking for, our 'sun'.. to us, it's our sun that's dodging us, avoiding us, slipping out of our hands, leaving us bewildered. whereas it's always right there, where it was when aimed for it. just the clouds got thicker and blocked our view. how we do refuse to look at things straight, yeah? i do...all the time. yet, when the realization comes in, it never fails to amaze me...

hmmm...funny how i've never noticed this. or rather, noticed it but never paid attention to it. or likelier still, never been jobless enough?
hell, deepak chopra and robin sharma would be proud of me right now... heh.

Passing Thoughts..

[ok, these are random thoughts at different points of time, which i simply noted down in my cell phone over the last few months, never having enough time to blog about..]

September 15, 2010
the winner takes it all..
the losers compelled to applaud..
the spectators watch..
and the curtains fall.

September 24, 2010
the price you have to pay when you're not ready...could cost you your dream. :|

October 3, 2010
when i want what i want as badly as i want, then WHY is it so hard to work for it? is it because i'm not as convinced about it as i tell myself i am? but aren't these confusions and deliberations present in everything we take up? think of?
why is it so damn hard to make that effort?! is it because i'm scared that i might not succeed? that it would still elude me? that it isn't/ wasn't worth it? that it wasn't meant to be? then WHY am i even thinking about it, so much? analyzing, over analyzing, then deliberating, over deliberating, running towards it, running away from it, by turns...

November 7, 2010
you know, you sometimes absolutely refuse to pay attention to things, thinking it's a lot of effort, and think you don't like it... well, tomorrow is the D-Day, and today's when i am paying attention to all this stuff. and i'm liking it! i wish i'd put in more effort.. i could've so aced this! it's not too brain damaging, too difficult.. it's just interesting and challenging.. and i dont even have the time now to undo my stupid mistakes. but this is a promise i'm making to myself... irrespective of the result, i'm never EVER gonna do anything half heartedly. i'm gonna give everything i take up, the best shot that i'm capable of giving. what's the use of living with regrets? who does it help? hell, don't do it if you don't feel inclined to do it! don't take it up and make a joke of it! that's plain dumb and stupid, not to mention a complete waste of time and resources.. i've been dumb, but i'm not gonna be like that anymore. i don't know how wel am gonna do tomorrow, but am gonna give it my best shot. :)

Living on a Prayer...

hmm. i think i should stop trying. really. why even bother? why put yourself in line again and again and again? i should simply accept it. i don't belong. neither here, nor there. for some i am way too aggressive, for others way too submissive. some think i am too rigid and opinionated, others feel i am way too indecisive. never a happy medium am i able to strike. never.

and you know what? it doesn't even matter. because after a while, it stops mattering. those people stop mattering that much. that inclination to attract them, that wish to be more acceptable to them dies. just goes away. and you are like, "you know what? fuck it. i don't give a flying fuck as to what you want. besides, you're hardly capable of giving me what I want. why should i bother?"

what would i really like? hmmm...now that's a tricky one. i want someone who is as curious about me as i am about him. someone as interested in me, everything about me, as i am in him. someone who looks beyond that approachable exterior so easily accessible by everone. someone who wishes to know every single detail about me, is annoyingly curious about everything...what makes me tick, what makes me smile, laugh out loud, cry, think...everything. someone who wants to know me as well as he knows himself. who is an extension of me. someone who knows what i feel, think, believe, want just as well as i do. someone for whom my feelings, emotions, wants, needs, preferences...everything, is as important as his own. someone who knows me inside out, WANTS to know me inside out. someone i can trust blindly. someone stronger than me, better than me. someone i can trust enough, look up to. someone who knows my worst, knows exactly how to hurt me. someone i trust enough to show my weakest side to. someone who has the power to completely destroy me, bring me down, yet would never use it against me, no matter where we are, what are status is. someone assertive, who asserts his right over me, without suffocating me. someone whose proximity doesn't make me run away from him. someone who doesn't bore me. someone i wish to open up to.

and someone, who gives me all this too. allows me an 'all access' permit with respect to himself. to whom i mean as much as he means to me. who feels the same way about me.

i want him to be my complimentary opposite. yin to my yang.

too idealistic? i think so...

have i ever met someone who comes close? no...
impossible? maybe...

should i learn to settle for less? i don't know...

CAUGHT MY ATTENTION...

-A bird in the sky does not sing because it wants to win a music competition.. It sings because it has discovered a freedom song inside its own heart.

(Debashis Chatterjee)

-We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone... Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.

(Orson Welles)

- When you find yourself stressed, ask yourself one question: Will this matter five years from now? 

If yes, then do something about the situation. If no, then let it go.

(Catherine Pulsifer)

-The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.

 (Maureen Dowd)

-I cannot give you the formula for success but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: try to please everybody.

(Herbert Bayard Swope)

- When you are walking on the right path, you get hints from above or somewhere. It is a mystery!

(PLS)

[picked from this page, Perfect Life spot]

FREE BIRD

If I leave here tomorrow 
Would you still remember me? 
For I must be travelling on, now, 
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see. 
But, if I stayed here with you, girl, 
Things just couldn't be the same. 
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now, 
And this bird you can not change. 
Lord knows, I can't change. 

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love. 
Though this feeling I can't change. 
But please don't take it badly, 
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame. 
But, if I stayed here with you girl, 
Things just couldn't be the same. 
Cause I'm as free as a bird now, 
And this bird you'll never change. 
And this bird you can not change. 
Lord knows, I can't change. 
Lord help me, I can't change.