...AND IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN! :)

a year that started on a horrible note... the first of january.. the date is etched in my memory forever. felt as if the things ending on a horrible note that would govern the rest of the year..
and maybe it did, but not everything... :)

the year in which i failed, and failed again, when i disappointed myself, disappointed so many others..
the year in which i hit the bottom of that U again, and painfully crawled my way out of, all the time feeling how it would be infinitely easier to simply rot there..
the year where i lost all belief- in myself, in Him, in everything. when the words 'motivation', 'willpower', 'trust'  and 'strength' went out of my vocabulary..
the year in which people who were closest to me hurt me, changed me and transformed me forever, a period during which i believed we could never be the same again.

...the year in which i fought my demons, by myself, time and again..
the year i learnt how to forgive, how to let slights pass, how not to let one off things affect my relationships.
the year in which i realized how much emotionally stronger and self dependent i was than most..
the year when i came across so many new and wonderful people, found how unlike yet alike we were..
the year my trust and faith in Him were shaken, then reaffirmed..
the year when, in spite of mental exhaustion, burnout, lack of motivation, i didn't give up..
the year i met someone wonderful, and realized it's okay to trust and depend on someone occasionally.

A year in which i both lost and found myself..

i can't believe it's already coming to an end. so much has happened in these 12 months, yet it feels like just a few days.
it's been good and bad... wonderful and not quite. met some people, lost some people. certain new equations were built, and some old ones lost their sheen. but hopefully the new ones will be able to evolve and stand the test of time and uncertainty.. and old ones won't be lost forever. hopefully soon enough, it will be possible to put the complications and anger aside, and start over on a clean slate.

as for the new year that swiftly approaches, the feelings are quite nicely captured in these lines by Christina Rossetti.. 

New Year coming on apace
What have you to give me?
Bring you scathe, or bring you grace,
Face me with an honest face;
You shall not deceive me:
Be it good or ill, be it what you will,
It needs shall help me on my road,
My rugged way to heaven, please God.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, WORLD! hope it brings you good cheer, good luck and everything that you hope for and work towards.

'Cause I've had the time of my life
Yes I swear it's the truth 
and I owe it all to you.. :)

TRAAAAAAA LA LA

something has changed.
can't quite figure where.
can't quite figure how.
can't put a finger on it.
but it's somewhere inside me.
i guess it is about what D said.
only after that first bite you know what you were missing.
and well, i am HAPPY!
if i could write poetry, if it came as naturally to me as prose,
i would fill pages in expressing myself.

heh. heh heh.

...

ये रौशनी के साथ क्यूं
धुआं उठा चिराग से
ये रौशनी के साथ क्यूं
धुआं उठा चिराग से
ये ख्वाब देखती हूँ मैं
कि जग पड़ी हूँ ख्वाब से?


(Why does the wisp of smoke

dull the glow from the lamp
Is this all a dream,

or have I awakened
from one?)

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN MISS K AND HER C- 3

Hold not your anger within you, for not only does it spoil the memory of that which is precious to you and inside you and yours to cherish; it also poisons the future. It spoils that which is yet to come, embitters and affects the sweetest of dispositions, leaving behind nought but a shadow of that which was once unique.

The memories are yours, the pain is yours. Let the memories bring a smile on those lips when a frown clouds that bow; let the pain make you stronger and prepare you for that which is yet to come.

You are but a projection of all that resides within, whether good or bad. That which lives in there, in the depths of your being, warms the blood that flows in your veins. That blood warms the mind and the thoughts that it shields. The mind warms the brain that thinks, hence brightening all that you believe and all that you are.

Trust. Believe. Love. Give. Forgive. Feel. Emote.
Show.
Cherish.
And once your work is done, once there is nothing left to look forward to, move on.
Leave the regrets behind. Leave the pain of parting behind. Think of what is to come. So many more to meet, so much more to see.
The world, this universe, its mysteries.. They're unfathomable. There's so much to see! So much to feel! The tangible..the intangible.

Your dreams,when you dreamt them, were bigger, brighter. Never put reigns on them, not for anything, not for anyone. Even when they seem difficult to attain. The more difficult they are, the more determined you ought to be.

Don't hold back. Don't hold it in. Let the imagination soar to the hitherto undiscovered heights. Once their, open your eyes. Get on your feet and get going. To start working to make those dreams happen..

9 PM
never count your chickens before they hatch... similarly, never count your joys before the day ends. you never know when you might jinx it. especially if you and Murphy share a special bond, something on the lines of yours truly...

10.35 PM
it also greatly depends on how you deal with it. a simple apology can make a world of a difference, and make you feel all warm and better inside. of course, all the remaining effects can be overcome with a fifteen minute conversation with a friend who's standing in the cold, outside his own house, trying to make you feel better.. :)

MY HAPPY PLACE!

i am exceptionally happy right now. i think it might have something to do with having the eleven hour sleep i had last night (!!!!!), or maybe the fact that the weekend has been great almost brilliant, or maybe the fact that i finally implemented my decision to get under a blanket and do absolutely nothing except read my LOTR, or maybe the fact that the chocolate walnut cake i have just baked has come out fantastic (even if the icing is PRETTY screwed up), or maybe simply the fact that i am surrounded by some really amazing people, and getting to know more and more of those...

whatever it is, i am in a good place right now. my happy place. and yes, very comfortable and settled for the moment. :)

MISSISSIPPI FREESTYLIN' !

GIVE ME SOME MEDICINE FOR MY PAIN
CHASE THE DRAGON INTO MY VEINS...REFRAIN
MURDAH ON THE EDGE OF TOWN
NOW BABYLON FLEET COME TO HUNT WE DOWN
BLUE LADY AND A STEELY DAN
LAUGHING IN THE PITS OF THE PROMISED LAND
HIGH TRICKERY OF THE TRIPLE SIX
WHILE THE MIDNIGHT ROBBERS
MAKE ANOTHER HIT

I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY
MISSISSIPPI FREESTYLIN
I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY
YEH YEH

WITHOUT PITY THE GAME OF LIFE WE PLAY
WE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE AND NOTHING TO GAIN
WORD UP WE MAKE ANOTHER ROUND
RAPE THE STREETS WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN
MAN IS ONLY AS WEAK AS HIS PAIN
LOSE THE PAIN ENJOY THE FAME
MIDNIGHT ROBBERS OUTLAW THE LAW
IN THE BLACK OF NIGHT WE COMIN FOR MORE

OBEAH BUSH DOCTOR
BROWN SUGAR TAKE YA MONEY FROM YA
AT THE CROSSROADS
WE MAKE A U-TURN TO SOON
HIT N RUN BLUE LADY JUST FOR FUN
EIGHT IN NINE MAKE THE BEAST FEEL FINE
DRINK ALL HIS WINE EVERYTIME EVERYTIME
GIVE ME GASOLINE FOR MY PAIN
I GOT NOTHING TO LOSE AND NOTHING TO GAIN

I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY
MISSISSIPPI FREESTYLIN
I WANNA HEAR YOU SAY
YEH YEH

Verse of The Rings

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

 Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, 

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne 

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. 

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, 

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them 

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

...

And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality

UNTITLED

Scattered lives,
Scattered conscience.
Broken bonds,
Broken promises.
Insignificant attempts,
Insignificant desires.
Lone ranger,
Lone miles.

A LI'L BIT OF THIS, A LI'L BIT OF THAT...

came face to face with a ghost tonight, a phantom that has haunted me for a while now.
 it was like, seeing your nightmare right there, infront of you.
OR...
that's what i thought till i realized that,
it was nothing more than a mirage that i had somehow conjured, that went BUST!
it was something i had built up in my head for a long while.
something i had thought was too hard to deal with for me.
but then when i came across it, it was nothing.
the anticipation didn't live upto the actual performance.
it was nothing... it did nothing to me, no emotions whatsoever.
and it made me realize... i have moved on. much further than i ever thought.
things that once hit me hard, once affected me, don't really matter anymore.
people who mattered, they have become a part of the past.
it's like a memory, all of it..
a memory that i am trying to avoid as of now, because i don't want to deal with it.
but a memory nonetheless, which i HAVE relegated to the past.
yes i have, lock stock and barrel.
when i cared, it was with everything i had.
but the moment the tie was broken, everything fizzled out with that.
there is no baggage, no luggage, no cargo.
and it feels wonderful... it feels like i can breathe again.
i feel like i can rise up and stretch my hand once again,
that if i jump, i could probably touch the sun!
for anyone who doubted me when i did make the decision,
yes, i can handle it. yes, i have handled it. and yes, i bloody well can.
because i know what i am looking for, and i know how to reach out to it now.. :)

PS- NOBODY disrespects my mum dad and leaves unscathed. not even phantoms. they better remember this the next time.

1) I am in a good GOOD mood!
2) i still think Twilight is one of most ridiculous bits of fantasy fiction, EVER. kill me. HA!

ok thanks. :)

DREAMS... OH, DREAMS

I have a dream, a song to sing,
to help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of the fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

(Though i know longer believe in angels,
i somehow still believe there is
something good in everything i see)

I have a dream, a fantasy, to help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile

(Though i no longer believe in angels,
i will still cross the stream,
when i know the time is right for me)

I have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

I have a dream, a fantasy, to help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile

ok. so i am kinda sick of the entire Twilight obsession that's taking over this world. I mean COME ON! it's crazy, all of it, from head to toe. People who are going nuts about the books, the movies, EDWARD (for god's sake!), and that werewolf kid... what's his name... oh yeah, Jack. wait.. is it? Whatev.

The point is, everything about it is so stupid, so corny and so senseless! There's an underage girl who falls in love with a century old shiny sparkling gem of a vampire, a werewolf who is 15 years old and acts like he just celebrated his own 100th birthday, AND THEN there's that underaged girl's new born baby, whom the said werewolf 'imprints'...

i mean... PEDOPHILIA, anyone?! what's got into the world?! is this what romance and love is about?
are we seriously silly and immature enough to confuse an almost compulsive need for attention with love? is love all about having someone prove their worth again and again and again, and still rejecting them, keeping them hanging on, as if their only purpose in life is to be at your beck and call when you are bored with your actual flame? is it a nutty obsession which surpasses everything else, including remote bits of common sense? 

MANN KE MANJEERE

Was just listening to some old songs from the 90s... and Shubha Mudgal, as usual, stood out. That powerful beautiful voice, matched with those equally strong lyrics. This one is from a series of BreakThrough videos, which help spread awareness about various social issues. 


PS- Meeta Vashisht is a brilliant actor in my opinion.

मन के मंजीरे आज खनकने लगे
भूले थे चलना, कदम थिरकने लगे
अंग अंग बाजे मृदुंग सा, सुर मेरे जागे
सांस सांस में बांस बांस में,
धुन कोई  साजे
गाये रे, दिल ये गाने लगा है,
मुझको आने लगा है
खुद पे ही ऐतबार
खुद पे ही ऐतबार


बादल तक झूले मेरे पहुँचने लगे,
आँखों के आगे गगन सिमटने लगे,
डाल डाल पे, ताल ताल पे , छु के हवाएं
खेत खेत ने, रेत रेत ने, फैलादी बाहें
आये है, सिन्दूरी सुबाह आई,
घुलती जाए सियाही
रातों की रातों की


खोले जो दरवाज़े तो देखा हर शाई थी नयी
उजली उजली सी थी मेरी तन्हाई रे
बदली बदली सी बदली मेरे अंगना में थी छाई
वीरानी रानी बन के मेरे पास आई
अपनी नज़र से मैंने देखि दुनिया की रंगोली
मुझको बुलाने आई मौसम को टोली
खोली आँखों की खोली मैंने पायी अपनी बोली
मुझमे ही रहती थी मेरी हमजोली रे ..
सुन लो.. अब ना अकेली हूँ मैं,
अपनी सहेली हूँ मैं,
साथी हूँ अपनी मैं
साथी हूँ अपनी मैं


मन के मंजीरे आज खनकने लगे
भूले थे चलना, कदम थिरकने लगे
अंग अंग बाजे मृदुंग सा, सुर मेरे जागे
सांस सांस में बांस बांस में,
धुन कोई  साजे
गए रे, दिल ये गाने लगा है,
मुझको आने लगा है
खुद पे ही ऐतबार
खुद पे ही ऐतबार


बादल तक झूले मेरे पहुँचने लगे,
आँखों के आगे गगन सिमटने लगे,
दाल दाल पे, ताल ताल दे, छु के हवाएं
खेत खेत ने, रेत रेत ने, फैलादी बाहें
आये है, सिन्दूरी सुबाह आई,
घुलती जाए सियाही
रातों की रातों की
रातों की रातों की