I am in the middle of my studies, but so strongly struck by something that i can't help but type here and let things flow...
I can't believe what an idiot i was for the longest time! I can't believe i was intimidated by something so stupid, by someone so... ordinary (for the lack of a better word) and regarding something so baseless and pointless!
And it has taken almost 3 and a half years for the realization to sink in, for me to realize all this. What i ran after was all in my head. Now, when i know myself better, when my head is clearer, when i actually have something which is worth fighting for, i now wonder what was it that i saw at that point that made me fight as long as i did. More than what it really was, it became all about how i WANTED it to be, wanted things to be. And the leverage i gave it, made it bigger than reality. An exaggerated though half baked premise. I don't know how or why i stayed for as long as i did.. but i guess if i hadn't, i would have never known really what it was that i really wanted, as compared to what i THOUGHT i did.
And none of it would have been possible without that one presence that made me see the difference between the two. And it's a funny feeling, to realize that all this while, what you confused for something so huge, was nothing but a result of perceived ideal scenarios and an overdose of drama and emotions.
My friends, those blessed souls, and my baby sister... they all saw and understood and tried everything they could to make me understand, see things as clearly as i do now. But to no avail.
But i guess, it was meant to be the way it turned out to be. It's like pieces of a puzzle falling into right slots after multiple attempts.
And it's things like these which make me appreciate what i now have, even more. If that phase of my life taught what i DIDN'T want from life, this one teaches me everyday what i do want. And every realization is a new revelation... :)
I can't believe what an idiot i was for the longest time! I can't believe i was intimidated by something so stupid, by someone so... ordinary (for the lack of a better word) and regarding something so baseless and pointless!
And it has taken almost 3 and a half years for the realization to sink in, for me to realize all this. What i ran after was all in my head. Now, when i know myself better, when my head is clearer, when i actually have something which is worth fighting for, i now wonder what was it that i saw at that point that made me fight as long as i did. More than what it really was, it became all about how i WANTED it to be, wanted things to be. And the leverage i gave it, made it bigger than reality. An exaggerated though half baked premise. I don't know how or why i stayed for as long as i did.. but i guess if i hadn't, i would have never known really what it was that i really wanted, as compared to what i THOUGHT i did.
And none of it would have been possible without that one presence that made me see the difference between the two. And it's a funny feeling, to realize that all this while, what you confused for something so huge, was nothing but a result of perceived ideal scenarios and an overdose of drama and emotions.
My friends, those blessed souls, and my baby sister... they all saw and understood and tried everything they could to make me understand, see things as clearly as i do now. But to no avail.
But i guess, it was meant to be the way it turned out to be. It's like pieces of a puzzle falling into right slots after multiple attempts.
And it's things like these which make me appreciate what i now have, even more. If that phase of my life taught what i DIDN'T want from life, this one teaches me everyday what i do want. And every realization is a new revelation... :)
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